I know I’m not the only one who continually has body issues. With the stereotypes of the perfect male specimen out there, no wonder we are driven to run on a treadmill for hours, getting nowhere.
Then there’s that diet of thistles and handful of nuts.
Many may remember my massive 25kg weight loss not so long ago. But then I met a very sexy Italian boy -“ young and hung -“ who loved late night snacks and within six months I packed 10kgs on again.
So when I was approached to feature on the poster for the next Sydney Convicts charity fundraiser Rugger Bugger, I was excited and nervous for it meant posing nude.
I was happy to learn my partner in crime for the shoot would be Convict player and good friend Stu.
Stu looks a million bucks and his rippling muscles are obviously photogenic.
I, on the other hand, am looking about fifteen dollars and petrified about what part of my body would ripple.
Every Tom, Dick and Harry would be seeing my bits -“ well, at least my butt -“ and I wasn’t sure if I, or the world, was ready for this.
After I spent almost a week of trimming, tanning, removing hair and steeling myself for the experience, the day of the photo shoot arrived and there was knocking on my front door.
I got the gaffer tape ready -“ yes, you heard it, gaffer tape.
For any of the showgirls out there that have gaffered down, you will all understand my apprehension.
With tips from Courtney, Dallas and Vanity, I snipped and stuck my modesty away. Then out came the gorgeous, prosthetic German boobs -“ and I was ready.
Stu, of course, just called in at the photo shoot on his way home from work -“ without even a thought about preparation. Ahh, such is the life of an Adonis.
So I said a little prayer for the gaffer tape, took a deep breath and hoped, when my body touched Stu’s, that my pleasure wouldn’t betray me.
Our photographer Rod Spark had us leaning, groping and bending with all manner of rugby paraphernalia -“ giving the photos great context.
Within a couple of hours it was all done and I was on my way home -“ better for the experience and grateful for the crew’s patience.
And for those of you wondering how much photoshopping has been done, I can assure you it is just the boob strap and my hair -“ nothing else.
After 13 years in heels, I know I have a firm arse.