When gay’s not gay

I have just endured the first four seasons of Will & Grace back to back.

My flatmate received them for Christmas and, like so many gay boys I know, he’s addicted.

The worst part is there are still another four seasons for me to watch -“ and he has just called to tell me he is heading over to Gaymart (Kmart for those of you unstylish readers) in his lunch break to get those box sets missing from his collection.

Help! He knows I’m not really what you would term a fan of the program. I despise formulated comedies more than anything in the world. Just mention the word Seinfeld within earshot of me and I shudder.

But how the hell am I going to get out of watching 70 or so more episodes? Honestly, if I wanted to watch gay and straight people interact, I’d take up a footpath seat on Oxford St one night -“ though I can guarantee it would be nowhere near as pleasant an experience as the program depicts.

My flatmate believes by buying and watching the program he is supporting gay people in entertainment, gay characters, blah blah blah -“ but I just see it as some fat TV executive getting rich.

Doesn’t a straight guy play the lead character Will anyway? And doesn’t a straight guy play Jack?

I do not want to devote hours of my life to this program that has long since finished assaulting our screens. So my master plan is this: I am going to make him watch four seasons of The L Word, wait a few months until he is convinced he won’t have to watch another episode, and then hit him with season five. Revenge, after all, is a dish best served cold.

If he’s smart enough he’ll drag out the gay porn in an attempt to score one back. Unfortunately for him I actually don’t mind watching it -“ as long as it isn’t Dante’s Cove.

Then, if necessary, I will subject him to some lesbian porn, hope he concedes and we can get on with watching the multitude of other crap with a token gay character that is starting to clog our airwaves these days.

Hmmm -¦ perhaps that may even force us to turn the bloody television off and go outside and do something more constructive.

Wish me luck.