It’s Bisexual Visibility Month! Here Are 5 Things I Bloody Adore About Bi+ Men

I love bisexuals. Obviously. We’re funny, gorgeous, intelligent — and we get a bad rap.

Bi women are often treated like we exist for somebody else’s sexual entertainment: assumed to be hypersexualised and greedy, or presumed incapable of keeping our pants on and staying faithful to our partners. Bi men cop all that nonsense too, but they’re also told they couldn’t possibly be bi in the first place. Bi men couldn’t possibly exist!

Apparently a man who’s attracted to more than one gender must be confused, lying, or on his way to coming out as gay. It’s exhausting, and it’s bullshit.

Bisexual Visibility Day was yesterday and we’re nearing the end of Bisexual Visibility Month, so I think there is no better time for: a love letter of sorts, to Bi+ men, and how wonderful you are.

1. They exist, despite the internet’s confusion

One of the queries in the Google Trends data I was looking at today was “can men be bisexual”. Yes. Next question.

It would be funnier if that search didn’t point to something so stubborn. We still hear that a man who dates a woman is straight, while one who dates a man is gay. His own account of his sexuality gets tossed out in favour of whatever conclusion a stranger can draw from the person standing beside him.

That scepticism has a history. A 2005 study of men’s responses to sexual imagery helped fuel claims that bisexual men weren’t really bisexual. The study’s methods and the sweeping conclusions drawn from it have since been challenged; researchers have pointed out that bisexuality in men is well established. And the fact that a study had to be done to say that is bonkers – maybe instead of expensive studies and research papers, we could just believe men when they say ‘I am bisexual’. Call me a crazy dreamer, but goshdarnit, I think it could work.

2. Bisexual men are extremely hot

I have never met a bisexual man who wasn’t extremely hot. I’m sure somebody in the comments on Facebook will attempt to present me with “evidence” to the contrary, but here is my counterargument: lalalalalala I can’t hear you.

I remain staunch in my belief that all bisexuals – men and women, cis and trans, non-binary and gender-diverse folk – are all sexy as hell, and I intend to keep it that way.

And despite the bis being a large and diverse group, all are hot because of that particular appeal of a person who knows themselves well enough to say who they are – especially when the world keeps demanding simpler answers, and trying to erase them when they don’t get it.

Confidence looks good on people. So does a little tenderness. On bi men, the combination is so attractive it’s frankly unfair.

3. Their relationships don’t cancel out their sexuality

Another search query is “bisexual husband”. I’m sure many people typed that in because they were looking for advice – my that-cup-is-definitely-half-full personality would like to believe its because they were all staunch allies, and were trying to seeking advice on how best to support their sexy bi husband.

But unfortunately, the world is not sunshine and rainbows – and pleeeeeenty of people refuse to date bisexual people, because of stereotypes of us being greedy nymphomaniacs who will cheat the first chance we get. Bi men and women both cop this – I know have personally. I even spoke about it on television once, which caused me to receive an influx of deeply biphobic and violent hate online for months afterwards.

For bi men, straight women won’t date them because they incorrectly believe they’re just secretly gay, while some gay men refuse to date bi men because they’re not gay enough, and believe they’d leave them for a woman. So this kind of biphobia sadly happens within our community s well as from the heterosexuals.

But the too gay/not gay enough thing always baffles me – is there a percentage of “gay” we need to achieve? How do we get this evaluated? Is there a formal board or something? How much does this evaluation cost? I am very broke.

But lemme put it this way – bi men are neither too gay, nor not gay enough, ever. Because they’re not gay at all – they’re bi. That slammin’ hottie is bi when he’s in your Grindr messages. He’s remains bi if he ends up marrying a woman. He is bi when he’s dating a man, bi when dating a woman. He is bi when he’s single and eating cereal over the sink. A relationship tells you who someone is with; it doesn’t rewrite who they can love.

And no, attraction to more than one gender doesn’t come bundled with a secret compulsion to cheat. If you wouldn’t date a bi man because you assume he’ll be unfaithful, I reckon you’ve confused bisexuality with a personality flaw you’ve invented yourself.

4. When they speak up, other men get room to breathe

Last year, former West Coast Eagles player Mitch Brown publicly came out as bisexual, becoming the first man who had played in the AFL to do so.

Suddenly a bloke who’d spent years in one of Australia’s most aggressively masculine workplaces was saying plainly what, undoubtedly, so many others over AFL’s 130-year history had felt they couldn’t.

Star Observer was the first LGBTQIA+ media outlet globally to sit down with Mitch last year and do a feature interview with him after he came out. The interview was fabulous, truly one of my favourites I’ve ever done, and I knew what a big deal this was – but even I wasn’t prepared for the response we got to that story. The amount of comments and messages we received was overwhelming, and overwhelmingly positive for the most part – so many people feeling weight come off their shoulders and hopeful for future generations of queer athletes after reading it. It genuinely made me quite emotional. That story was published almost a year ago, and I still receive thankful Instagram DMs about it.

5. They make life better, full stop

Google also has people searching “am i bisexual” and“bisexual test”. Darling, if you’ve gone to the trouble of searching Google or looking up a quiz, I can’t say for sure, but that’s a pretty big sign. Remember to give yourself a little room to be curious, be kind to yourelf. There is no final exam, and nobody’s collecting your previous dating history at the door.

Every bi man I know is his own person, of course. But the bi men I know and love are kind, empathetic, intelligent, generous and sexy as hell. They show up for their mates. They make me laugh. They’ve had to listen to some spectacularly fucked up nonsense about themselves and have somehow remained openhearted.

So happy Bisexual Visibility Month to the bi men who are out, the ones who aren’t, and the ones currently closing a quiz tab because this story hit a bit too close to home. I’m glad you’re here.

And to anyone, straight or queer, who says they could never date a bi man, or bi person in general? Honestly, your loss you blinkered blunderbuss. You’re missing out on some of the most amazing and attractive human beings that exist in this world. Go on – bend the knee and kiss the cute bisexual. Go bi or go home.