Whether gay, straight, bi or transgender, it matters not; depression strikes us all at some time in our lives.

Having an unfriendly black dog follow us around all day is a truly horrible experience. There are many types of depression. There is the depression that comes and goes with life events, like when you lose you job or the cat goes missing (no drugs needed). There is clinical depression from inherited genes or early life events. But there is another type of depression that can be fixed without drugs in a relatively short time and it is a life changing matter. It is called, ‘Win/Lose’ mindset depression. Let me explain.

A ‘Win/Lose’ mindset happens when we constantly compare ourselves to others and calculate the risks of competing. We see ourselves as either winners or losers in the world with everything we do. Two outcomes come into play with a Win/Lose mindset. Firstly, some of us are likely to not take any risks at all, when life at its essence is actually about risk, after all that is how we evolved as human beings. Doing new things is seen as too dangerous so we decide to do nothing, leading to inertia and eventual depression.

The second scenario with a ‘Win/Lose’ mindset is a need to win everything at all costs; every argument, every deal, every project, every promotion and every target. And if we don’t win there is someone to blame, someone to criticise (maybe even us), it is either right or wrong, good or bad, leading to feelings of isolation, separation and eventually depression.

We could however adopt a different mindset such as: being calm, present, co-operative, understanding, and involved as this allows us to be engaged in life without seeing everything as either a win or lose situation. This newly adopted mindset then allows us to experience life rather than having to control it all.

I know his sounds all a bit too lovey-dovey but try it for yourselves. Everyday this week leave home with the mindset that you are going to experience the day rather than control it. You will be totally surprised how more creative and connected you will feel to the world.

And let’s face it, in the end we all we want to feel more connected to others and our world. Doing so makes us happy and contented. We are now in a creative place. These are the cures for mindset Win/Lose depression: gentle talk, listening, laughter, co-operation, creating achievable tasks, hugs, empathy and truly believing life is a fun journey.

It is totally frightening that anti depressants are being written at an ever-increasing rate today, when there are types of depression you can fix yourself without drugs. All that is necessary is a change of mindset. Give it a go this next week, write on the front door, “Today I am going to creatively experience the world not control it”.

INFO: Gerry North is a gay couples counsellor and can be contacted by email at [email protected] or web gaycounselling.vpweb.com.au

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