Guys, how good is your gay relationship?

Guys, how good is your gay relationship?

Hearing four little words “We need to talk” strikes fear into men’s hearts. Those four little words mean you are about to be hit by a baseball bat of words.

But help is at hand, guys. Promise to go to couple counselling and see if that soothes the beast.

Men usually go kicking and screaming to couple counselling. It usually goes something like, “What’s the point of all this yammering, haven’t we talked about these issues?” or “Not arguing saves time so why can’t we just carry on without any fuss?”

Guys, you obviously haven’t been listening nor have you talked it out satisfactorily.

Couples, especially those that have been together a long time, form patterns of behaviours where every day they misunderstand each other. Assumptions are made and couples stop listening or being heard properly. We are all guilty of it, it’s called being human.

Now it’s time to ask how good is your relationship? You will already know deep down if it is good or not. Maybe it just needs a tune-up.

A trained counsellor will assess what stage a couple is in when consulting them for the first sessions. If couples argue regularly (bickering), but resolve issues while maintaining respect for each other, then only short-term counselling should be necessary to stop the bickering.

If couples argue regularly but don’t resolve issues, then there are normally other deeper issues at play that need to be resolved.

Then there is the couple that does not argue at all, even though there are issues upon issues, all buried. Each partner has by this stage decided not to speak his mind and just goes about daily domestic life without rocking the boat. Couples in this last stage are very likely to break up.

Good relationships are built on honesty and clarity. When we are really heard and when we really listen, amazing new things happen. Are you being heard and are you really listening to him?

An increasing number of gay men are taking up the challenge of counselling – often as the result of a last-ditch “Let’s fix this relationship or I’m outta here”.

If you hear those four terrible, chilling, and evil words, “We need to talk”, don’t get scared. Say, “Okay I hear you, let’s make an appointment to see a couples counsellor”.

If it’s worth saving your relationship, it’s money well spent. If you can’t save the relationship then you will be better equipped to understand what went wrong and learn how to change for the next spunk. Take care.

By GERRY NORTH

Gerry North is a qualified counsellor in Surry Hills. If you have an issue you want discussed, email him on [email protected]

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