Being lied to by your partner sucks but being gaslighted is as malicious as Patti Lupone telling Madonna she’s a ‘movie killer’.
For those unfamiliar, gaslighting is when someone manipulates you into second-guessing your own truth, reality or even your own sanity. It’s derived from the 1944 movie Gaslight, a good one to watch in isolation.
Unfortunately, I have a lot of experience with this thanks to my ex-boyfriend Nick* (name NOT changed as he was awful). So, I want to share some ways to know if you are being gaslighted so you can drop your partner faster than Madonna was ripped off stage at the 2015 Brit awards (poor Madge).
Showering at the gym
If your partner spends 30 minutes in the shower at the gym and lives less than five minutes away, they’re soaping up more than just their own body. If you question it and they say, ‘you’re getting upset over nothing,’ they are gaslighting you. They have also most likely given you tinea. Hot.
White lies to close friends
If you notice your partner telling ‘white lies’ or exaggerating stories to close friends, they are most likely doing the same to you. If they get defensive by saying ‘look I don’t know what your problem is’ they should be lit over a stove because they are gaslighting.
Slut shaming other people
If you find that your partner is regularly slut shaming other friends, co-workers, or perhaps a gay person on Instagram, they may be doing it to deflect from what they are doing. For example, my ex-bf would tell stories about how a fellow University teacher would sleep with his students and how he was disgusted by this. Only for me to find out he was trying to get students to Touch-A-Touch-A-Touch him.
If you catch your partner using a hook-up app or someone has told you about their infidelity, you should question them about it. If they say any anything along the lines of ‘you’re crazy’ or ‘you think I would do that?’ or ‘do you hear yourself?’, they are gaslighting you and it’s time for them to go.
Being gaslighted makes you feel dumber than Britney Spears’ Instagram, but it happens all the time. Never second guess your gut feeling, it is probably right. And if anyone makes you question what you know to be true, make them put everything in a box ‘to the left, to the left’ because – as Beyoncé would say – they are not irreplaceable.
You can follow Barrie Cradshaw on Twitter at @OfficialBarrie