“I am not gay, I’m not a lesbian,” Oprah told Barbara Walters. I was disappointed to hear this. I wanted Oprah to be gay. Not because I’m drawn to gossip and scandal. Not because I wanted to picture her and Gayle getting funky with a strap-on. But because this may have told the world, once and for all, that we’re just as ‘normal’ as the next person.
The world loves Oprah. It’s hard not to. Even MADTV parodies have floundered, despite the lingering vowels and infamous weight fluctuations. She’s rags to riches, beating the odds. And people eat that stuff up. “OMG, she held my hand, I’m never washing it,” blubbered crazed fans. Yes, for eight days, we unashamedly revealed a nation of backslapping Opraholics.
Oprah’s nearly always right. Worshipped like a millennial deity and marketed like a brand. Imagine the incredulity of diehard fans when they learned their beloved talk-show queen was a lesbian. Would they be convinced that if their ethereal icon was ‘quite lit-er-aly’ gay, that it’s okay to be gay?
The cynic in me wants to bag the Oprah juggernaut. Fornicating marsupials, scantily clad Adonis’s in generously filled budgie-smugglers rise from the ocean with seafood platters. I think I even saw a crack in Gillard’s concrete soul, as she welcomed her in that colloquial drawl. And if I had tickets to the ‘Oprah House’, I’d like one of those nice seafood bearing chaps under my chair, thank you.
If only Oprah were gay. Then all would be right with the world. Well, not really.
But she does a lot of good. Equality is close to her heart, and we’d stand a much greater chance of marriage equality if The Big O was a big dyke.
I watched the ‘tell-all’ interview with morbid fascination, as Walters gushed and probed with her signature speech impediment, oozing platitudes and pouting for no apparent reason.
The point is; there’s still part of me hoping Oprah is gay. I know it’s none of my business. It should be nobody’s bloody business. But homophobes make our sexuality their business.
And what better endorsement than a les-beeshan thumbs-up from the sovereign of feel good?
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Cheers for the comments – always welcome and appreciated.
Keep ’em coming!
xxd
I am always right steven :-P I like oprah…….. although the ‘Azzie’ sell was getting a little ott…… paul, i am sick and tired of hearing about Wikileaks….. i know travolta is supposed to be a closet gay….. but is that not his business ?
Your right JallyBear. My apologies Damian Stephens.
I suppose I was feeling overly sensitive given the knee jerk comments regarding Oprah, which I feel have more to do with our tall poppy syndrome here in Oz where we cut down anyone who achieves greatness as opposed to our American cousins who celebrate success, not deride it.
JallyBear, where have you been ? lol
It has been an “open secret” in Hollywood for years about Travolta.
Carrie Fischers recent interview confirms it. I applaud her as she will undoubtly suffer professionally from speaking the truth.
http://gawker.com/5685811/the-secret-sex-life-of-john-travolta
Sick and tired of Oprah – I am much more interested in Government secrets on Wikileaks!!!!!!
I do not believe the article is picking on oprah Steven ……. seems to me the point is that she is adored and people listen to her and so gays and lesbians would stand a better chance of equality with her voicing our rights ……. John Travolta ? Really ?
For you to be respected for being gay, you have to respect that others just arent. Leave Oprah alone, the ‘gay’ jokes are getting tiresome.
Why dont you pick on a genuine closet queer like John Travolta instead.
You may have a point and whilst an enjoyable article, I do not want any association with the woman and her sideshow circus travelling throughout australia. They are mainstream and the suburban at its ugliest. She is insincere as is everyone who bows and cowtows to her