It was dim enough in the bar for us to start confessing confidently.
The topic was why we are still single, why don’t men ‘get us’ and where is our bloody bottle of red?
“We’re lazy,” I took a dig at both of us. “Yep, men aren’t home-delivered — we need to go out and meet them.”
Armours made from loneliness, hurt, fear, rejection and individuality are our responses to each other and to ourselves. But, we both knew, this armoury is to no avail.
What were we hiding from? We’d discussed the life of protracted singledom before and how to remedy it. Left with the same predicament, action was required.
But before we could act, we need to know, honestly, what the hell is going on with our own heads about this. My answer has come to me after a, I won’t say ‘long’, line of experiences with various people that has led me to here. This feels a little like Andie McDowell’s character in Four Weddings and a Funeral.
Numero uno, Dawn: gave me family life and remains my primary anchor.
Anthony, the first: everything a first relationship is, no matter your age, is filled with life’s wonderful extremes.
Rebounds and lessons on age hiding, courage to cook for a chef, wooing the ignorant, keeping up with the polite professor to sipping cocktails with the Lad — he who holds fire.
From the quixotic Swiss nuzzling into my neck and remaining forever a soft, broken English accent in my mind through to George, my paddle-pop delivery man who succeeded in being the first man
I was ‘seeing’ in the years since Anthony.
To date, there has not been a second boyfriend. Why? I think it is that I’ve searched for them, but at the wrong times perhaps, maybe for the wrong reasons.
Either way, for project ‘Find John a boyfriend’, the countdown is on.
@ Radical53
way off mate… a lot of gay men choose NOT to have long term relationships because other facets of their lives are more important than settling down (and im not just talking about sex)
As a gay man i chose… for a while… not to have a long term relationship… didnt mean i wasnt capable of having one, or wasnt meant to have one. ive been with my current partner for a while now and couldnt be happier.
We all have the potential for long term relationships, its just a matter of finding someone who rocks your socks and vice versa
Good luck John, hope you find yours! :)
xx
A lot of gay men are not meant to have long term relationships.
If was meant to happen, it would. Having lots of mates is just as fulfilling as a relationship. More choice to whom you associate and in the what mood for the right company.
We are very picky, as the gay men. We all look for fulfilment, empathy, love, meaning. Maybe in the next generation, they will have the understanding and meaning of what a relationship actually means with your own kind.