Over a bottle of wine, a friend told me about one of his recent sexual escapades. He had gone to a local sauna where he met someone he described as the “hottest guy”.
My friend told me they had gone into a cubicle and he handed the guy a condom. After they got their freak on, my friend realised the guy had not used the condom.
My friend described how he had felt betrayed and deceived because this guy had not adhered to the safe sex agreement they had made, even if it was non-verbal. He talked about how panic and fear set in because he didn’t know this guy from a bar of soap or his HIV status.
Unfortunately, my friend’s story is not an isolated one. I have heard many men say a condom was not used, even if it was said out loud that if it’s not on, it’s not on. Men who find themselves in this situation often have strong and mixed emotions. They often feel as though their trust was broken and their health put at risk.
I shared with my friend some simple tips and techniques which can be used to make sure the situation does not happen again. I thought it would be a great idea to share them with you.
There are ways to make sure your partner wears a condom. Put a condom on his penis and guide it in. From time to time, ask him to pull out and check if a condom is still on. If you think this could interrupt the sexual flow, the next suggestions might work better.
There are subtle ways to check if your partner is still wearing a condom. Check for the rubber ring at the base of his penis while he is inside you, change positions, or move to a different spot. These approaches not only allow you to check that the condom is still on, but there is every chance you will come across as being creative and thinking outside the box.
I’m not here to speak about the moral issues inherent in the story but to help you by providing some simple tips you can use to help minimise the potential risks associated with a random and casual encounter.
If you think you have been exposed to HIV, act within 72 hours and call PEP line 1800 889 887.
By ADAM HYNES, VAC