Losing her religion

A very strange woman appeared on my doorstep one morning this week. This is not such an unusual occurrence given the make-up of my neighbourhood.

But this woman was young, well dressed and pretty. In short, someone who was way too glamorous to be doing door-to-door sales in the inner west.

Turns out she was from the Jehovah’s Witnesses. Which was a surprise, considering how daggy their people used to be when I was a kid in the suburbs of Adelaide.

My girlfriend recently said they’d amped up their glamour factor in a recent assault on our street, but even I was surprised by how pretty this girl was.

Anyway, she handed over a booklet proclaiming The End of False Religion is Near, while sweetly muttering something about conducting Bible studies around the area.

Now, I was raised an atheist, but my parents always encouraged me to question stuff. This is why I sometimes buy The Watchtower and very occasionally talk to Mormons -“ until they realise I’m a big homo and wouldn’t change that if I could.

I’ve loved The Watchtower‘s Young People Ask column for years, with its advice to young Witnesses on how to avoid making friends with non-believers and why they shouldn’t go to school dances.

I’ve also got reasonable manners, particularly when faced with pretty, muttering girls at my doorstep. So I didn’t just tell her to fuck off then and there.

A few minutes later I wished I had. The End of False Religion is Near blames all of the ills of the world on false religions (that is, religions other than Jehovah’s Witnesses). It also talks about false religions supporting immoral sex.

Did you know, for example, that some religions ordain gay and/or lesbian priests? And, perhaps even more shockingly, some have even offered support for same-sex marriage.

It goes on to describe a harlot riding a six-headed beast as a metaphor for something or other, but it lost me at the whole immoral sex bit.

See, I’d always thought gay priests would be strictly vanilla. But you learn something every day.