So I have this friend. Well, he’s sort of a best friend. I’ve known him for years. We go way back. We hang out, we go to clubs together, you know, the usual friend stuff.

But whenever we are together something vehemently annoying occurs. EVERYONE THINKS HE IS MY BOYFRIEND!

It’s like it’s impossible to be gay, be both attractive (with me being more attractive of course, and far more fashionable), and be close friends without people thinking we are a happily married couple.

For example, one of our favourite pastimes is going to Malebox to get our weekly self-esteem boost from all of our suitors.

But whenever we get asked, “Are you two a couple?” we just look at each other and shake our heads.

It can come in handy sometimes when we both want to make a quick escape from a less-than-enticing offer, but for the most part, we are poison to each other’s sex lives.

Boys, if you want me, take me. If you want him, then I am offended but whatever.

Sure, when we are 70 we will still probably manage to take our walking frames up Oxford St together while our slave boys are in our mansions cleaning our diamond-encrusted cutlery.

But to get there we first need to find really rich boyfriends who don’t know what a pre-nup is, and that’s not going to happen if you all think he and I are together!

I’m not quite sure what it is. Maybe it’s just an assumption people make that when two guys are together they are instantly a couple. It sucks, and if you are one of those people then it’s highly possible you are restricting yourself from either a super hot guy or a possible threesome.

Just don’t bother asking us for one of those.

By JESSE MATHESON

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