Paris in the Pacific

It’s hard being a devout Francophile on a writer’s wage.

Since my first trip to Paris last year, I’ve taken up French classes at Sydney’s Alliance Francaise, devoured Aussie expat Sarah Turnbull’s romantic Parisian memoir Almost French, and watched just about every French film I can without subtitles — excuse-moi, sans sous-titrage. All much cheaper options than up and heading to Paris again to further explore one of the most expensive cities on the planet.

Turns out, there’s a closer-to-home answer for a beret-wearing wannabe frog like me looking for a taste of France.

Unbeknownst to many Australians, an overwhelmingly French paradise sits less than 2000km — or around a 2.5 hour plane journey — from Sydney. New Caledonia — or Nouvelle Caledonie, as the locals call it — is an unlikely mix of French sophistication and Pacific island relaxation.

Heading for Nouvelle Caledonie with my partner last month, the first hint of French culture came before we’d even set foot on New Caledonian soil.

Aboard Aircalin, the country’s official airline, you feel like you’ve entered a time machine to an era when air travel was still glamorous, as opposed to the 21-century experience of interminable queues and non-existent service. Immaculately-dressed flight attendants offered us an aperitif before our early-afternoon meal. We decided on a Martini Rouge each which, coupled with the white wine served with lunch, left us lightly snoozing until we touched down in this stunning island paradise.

French influence

For better or worse, New Caledonia was made a French possession in 1853, and despite the fact that the two countries are on other sides of the world, French influence remains intact.

Many New Caledonians are French expats, in search of a sunnier, more relaxed life in the Pacific.

The French influence also seems to now exist relatively harmoniously alongside local Kanak culture, the Kanaks being the people indigenous to New Caledonia. In the capital, Noumea, you can enjoy a meal of authentic French wines and cuisine. At the language school, Creipac, you can enrol in an immersive course on the French language. At the numerous boulangeries (bakeries), you can pick up a baguette and any of the various mouth-watering French pastries on offer.

While most locals in the main areas understand basic English, a few French phrases will get you far. Pick up a phrase book and practice your bonjours and si vous-plaits on the plane (before that aperitif kicks in).

Gay life

Our cheeky French gay tour guide, Nico, had been living in New Caledonia for two years and gave us an insider’s view on life as a gay man in Noumea — including a drive past the city’s main gay beat, in close proximity to its army base (coincidence? Methinks not).

He explained that, while the city doesn’t have a full-time gay bar, there are several gay-owned and gay-friendly bars and clubs, including some that hold special regular gay nights.

Noumea’s gay community organisation, Homosphere, is well supported by local government, with politician Sonia Lagarde organising headquarters for them in a government-owned house in downtown Noumea. Much like the organisation itself, the headquarters acts as a bit of everything — part community hub, part drop-in centre, part impromptu bar. The evening we visited, the focus was very much on socialising.

Lagarde, an impossibly glamorous French blonde woman who chainsmoked during dinner and taunted this vegetarian writer by devouring a forkful of pate with a saucy wink, looks at least a decade younger than her 62 years. She loves the gays of New Caledonia, and the gays love her. Later, she accompanied us to a club on the beach, MV Lounge, which was holding one of its regular Rainbow gay nights.

In April 2009, France’s PACS (Pacte civil de solidarité), a civil union of sorts that has helped to give legal recognition to those in gay relationships, was extended to New Caledonia. One of our regular hosts on our trip, the charming Jean-Michel Foutrein, had just celebrated his union to his long-term partner.

The islands

New Caledonia is made up of a string of islands surrounding the main land mass. You haven’t truly experienced the country until you’ve investigated at least a couple of these secluded isles.

Duck Island is one of the easiest to get to, as it’s less than five minutes by taxi boat from Noumea (some of the locals swim it, we’re told. Good for them.). It’s a tiny island with nought but a basic restaurant on site, serving generous platters of seafood and salad along with a cold beer.

Further afield, but still only a 10-minute flight from Noumea, the Isle of Pines is a sparsely inhabited island home to a handful of luxury resorts. What sort of luxury? Try having a stepladder outside your beachside villa directly into the water, as at the Le Meridien. Or the Oure Tera resort, where individual huts sit right next to a glistening white beach on a sheltered bay.

One of the island’s more secluded treats is the Natural Pools, a short walk through bushland from the Le Meridien. Far larger than the name would suggest, it’s more of a lagoon, cut off from the ocean when the tide is out and up to five metres deep in parts.

Paddling around is nice enough, but it’s when you put on your goggles and dive down that you realise the wonder of this place: a plethora of marine life, all stranded until the tide rises again. Schools of brightly coloured tropical fish dart away from eels, partially hidden between coral, their mouths agape and ready for a feed.

The price

The locals speak honestly about why New Caledonia’s tourism industry doesn’t thrive as strongly as some other Pacific islands. The main reason, they say, is the price. True, there are cheaper islands to visit in the Pacific, but for a holiday, New Caledonia is on par with Australia — expect to pay $AUD4 for a latte and $15 for lunch in a café. If anything, the not-unreasonable cost of living and holidaying in New Caledonia simply acts as a deterrent to undesirable tourists. You’re very unlikely to find any footy trips, hens parties or Contiki tourists here.

The weather

Warm and temperate year-round. We went during winter and it averaged 28 and sunny — my ginger companion needed sunscreen.

Further info

New Caledonia Tourism: Visit www.visitnewcaledonia.com
Association Homosphere: Visit www.homosphere.asso.nc
Noumea Discovery Tours: Visit www.noumeadiscovery.com