Ed note: Got troubles? Life, love or office etiquette getting you down? Write Karen from Finance for advice: firstname.lastname@example.org.
I’m trying to social-distance and am doing my best to stay home as much as possible, but my housemates are not co-operating and are not taking this pandemic seriously. What do I do!?
Wow. Your housemates sound like awful people. It’s time you did a little reverse Home Alone and set up some boobie-traps, but rather than trying to keep the baddies out – this time you’re keeping them in! Try wrapping the front doorway with cling wrap. Put laxatives in their morning coffees. Fill their Shampoo bottles with superglue, throw out all of their shoes and hide their keys. So long as you act compassionate and pretend to help them, I’m sure that they’ll never suspect that it’s you.
At the same time, prepare some fun activities to play at home too so that when they come around to staying in you’ll be ready to entertain them and distract from their enforced isolation. Perhaps a 1000 piece puzzle of Queen Elizabeth’s corgis, or an Ashton Kutcher movie night, or even a Law & Order drinking game where every time they play the ‘gong-gong’ sound effect you take a shot.
All whilst you are flattening the curve and doing the right thing by your country. Perfect!