Drag virgin

It was all set. I had the fabulous Lance Leopard on stand-by, ready to do my make-up. My sister-girlfriend Katherine Gorge, being a hairdresser for 15 minutes, had fashioned two helmets for our heads. We both had spent hours searching Paddy’s Markets for two fabulous outfits (for some reason it seemed like a great idea to go out matching). A week of preparation for just one spot number. Hours of deliberation on colours, eyelashes and shoes. It looked like we were both preparing for a huge extravaganza, not one spot number each on the back of a truck.

All this came about after a drunken night out. Rose Leaf had cornered Katherine and me at the Midnight Shift with an invitation we couldn’t refuse. Girls, you both look fabulous, how about you come in next Saturday and perform on the back of our truck for Shop Yourself Stupid? Rose said, buttering us up over her beverage and cigarette. We have a huge sound system and one of the biggest trucks you will see on the strip this year. Nervously we both looked at each other, smiling and a little bedazzled that a well-known showgirl was actually talking to us. Neither of us had ever been on stage or performed before but, hoping this was our big break, we quickly accepted. With a quick cowboy shot each, everything was cemented.

So we were in a panic. We were two country boys in mum’s dresses but in our minds we were princesses, both overflowing with confidence though secretly happy to have the other one standing beside us.

Last Saturday 24 February was the 10th anniversary of that very day, 10 years since my first ever performance. To tell the truth, it came about something like this. Pissed as newts, my new best friend Josh and I decided to get dressed up one night and go to the Albury Hotel and then to the Midnight Shift. By the time we had finished our mix of vodka at home and numerous showgirl shots at the Albury, it was time to stagger down the road. Amazed at the reaction we were getting, we climbed the stairs of the Midnight Shift and were ushered in by diva Barbara Bubbles. The first person we met was Rose Leaf and, after a few more drinks, I sort of remember agreeing to something with a huge truck and sound system.

It was true the next week was crazy. Lance was not available to do our make-up so we decided to try it ourselves, relying heavily on huge sunglasses. On the day of Shop Yourself Stupid we soon found that the huge truck was a ute and the sound system was an old CD player from home. Every time you moved, the track would jump but I didn’t care as the sea of spectators had captured me forever and a monster had been created.

Happy Mardi Gras to you all. I hope it is just as exciting as my first performance and every other performance I have done since.