Are you a blow and go lover or an unsatisfied partner constantly faking orgasms? Maybe it’s time for you to understand the hidden secrets of Tantra.
Sex is no endurance activity. Forget timesheets and deadlines because good sex is all about control, emotions and technique and some like to believe that love has a significant impact.
Tantra is an ancient South Asian spiritual tradition that takes many different forms. Tantric practices can give any couple practical ways to reduce conflict, deepen intimacy and experience a far richer sex life.
The Essence of Tantric Sexuality author Mark A. Michaels said the ancient Tantrics understood that the sexual experience – in high states of arousal and orgasm – affords ordinary people the easiest access to mystical states.
“For any couple the Tantric approach to relating is radically different from the conventional model,” he said.
“By treating one’s partner as an object of reverence and the relationship itself as a collaboration, a profound shift in consciousness can take place, one that leads to powerful bonding.”
Apparently the real secret of Tantric sex lies in prolonging arousal. While Tantra is a vast subject that could be studied over many lifetimes, once you understand that prolonging arousal is the key, you’ve learned the most important sexual secret.
“It’s valuable for men to learn to separate orgasm from ejaculation. Once you’ve learned to do this, you can begin to spread orgasmic sensations throughout the body,” Michaels said.
“Many women are naturally able to have full body orgasms, but those who aren’t may need to learn to direct energy in the same way that most men do.
“The secret lies in building arousal, going almost to the point of no return, and then pulling the energy up into the body. In Tantric lovemaking, it’s important to bring the whole body into the experience. We often refer to a conventional orgasm, which involves only a limited physical area, as a genital sneeze.
“The G spot and the prostate are analogous, and you can take your partner to great heights if you know how to stimulate them properly. That said, there’s nothing particularly Tantric about G spot or prostate massage.”
What’s handy in having great sex is an understanding of your partner’s erogenous zones. These zones are categorised as primary, secondary and tertiary.
“The primaries are obvious, the lips, mouth, breasts, nipples, and the genitals. The secondaries are a little more obscure – the nape of the neck and the earlobe to name a couple – while many of the tertiaries may seem even more surprising – the thumb and little finger,” Michaels said.
“When using this system, you begin by stimulating a secondary zone, then a primary, then a secondary, then a tertiary, and then a primary. The idea is to build arousal systematically and intentionally. Once you’ve learned to work with the zones in a formal way, you can improvise. It’s really delightful.”
Having some form of spiritual or meditative practice can help create a groundedness and clarity that will be very useful. On a physical level, anyone with an interest in practising Tantra should learn to pulse their pubococcygeal or PC muscles.
“When pulsing the muscles it’s important to squeeze, release and bear down slightly, so that the entire range of motion is involved,” Michaels said. “For women, this bearing down is the movement that accompanies ejaculatory orgasm, so it’s valuable to become familiar with it.”
Michaels and his partner are offering an online course on the The Fundamentals of Tantric Sexuality and the book is available at all good bookstores or from See also

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