Poles apart

I felt like a nervous teenager on their first date. I didn’t know what to wear, what was going to happen or even if I was going to like it. I took me two days just to prepare mentally and as the day got closer the worse I got. I am talking about my first pole-dancing lesson last Wednesday. Apart from all my nerves and apprehension it went down a treat. There are 15 in each class but I am the only showgirl, though I expect there are a couple of others who put on special performances around town. And I have been told the teacher is one of the best pole dancers in Sydney. Though many may disagree, my experience on a pole is somewhat limited.

Now I could tell you that I was fabulous, and swung around the pole like a scene from Showgirls, thrashing my hair around in a frenzy while upside down and holding on only by my ankle. I also could say that I looked like a chubbier version of Demi Moore, sliding up and down the brass pole like a professional. In my head this is all true, but in reality I think I looked more like a cross between a slinky and a turtle trying to get off its back. At one stage the teacher said, It’s okay if you don’t get it on your first lesson, not many do. Well, I must have been in an unusually gifted class as I was the only one who couldn’t put my leg around the pole, lift myself up and swing till my knees hit the ground. Even as I write it, it doesn’t seem that hard. After the hour-long workout, I felt like a pillow that had been beaten against a rock but at the same time unusually excited about the next week’s lesson.

So if you see a fat chick swinging off a street sign over the next seven weeks, don’t be too scared -“ that is just me doing my homework.

EYESPY
The buzz on the street is that it is going to be huge. If last Monday night is anything to go by, this year’s DIVAs is set to be a real rip-snorter. Last Monday night at the Imperial Hotel, the DIVA committee unveiled this year’s poster, starring the fabulous Dallas Dellaforce looking, as always, amazing. The DIVAs will be returning to Sydney Town Hall once again on 23 August. With a theme of All That Glitters, queens everywhere have started on a diamante frenzy. If you don’t want to miss this year’s excitement, make sure you watch out for when tickets go on sale as they sell very quickly every year.

Have we all seen the new Saturday show at the Midnight Shift? Now I can’t really say what it is about, as I don’t want to ruin it for you, but I can say Amelia, Joyce and the boys have done a great job. Fabulous, guys -“ you had me hooting. Speaking of the Shift, after last week off due to the floor being varnished, the first instalment of Klub Kamp appeared on Wednesday starring Penny Tration and me. And Twirl on Thursday has a special Kylie night. It’s all happening downstairs from 10pm.

Finally, congratulations to Courtney Act winning the Pride Award for Young Achiever.