That is, of course, unless your name is Nick Riewoldt. Isn’t it about time the media began filling pages, TV screens, internet and social sites with real news?

I peer towards the home of true religion, pure and undefiled, bristling with light towers and pulsing with thousands of fans screaming for pies and sauce — the season has begun.

Sports news will dominate all media outlets. Melbourne newspapers will be read from the back, unless a six-goal haul is made to seal the fate of the game. This, of course, is front page news.

Losing streaks years in the making will end, and young heroes and new talent will rise to capture the minds of adoring fans. Off-field transgressions will be forgotten as quickly as the lies of the NSW Labor Government, on the condition that goals are kicked, games won and the religion of southern Australia and Queensland consumes the hearts and minds of its followers.

Why is it called the greatest sport of all time? Just because Aussie Rules.

To the unconverted who denigrate the hunks and heroes, the shorts and very, very tight muscle tops by referring to this homegrown game as aerial ping-pong, may the heavens rain down their fury.
How can we not enjoy our home teams, home grounds, home truths and white lies? Is it possible to imagine a weekend without the fashion-flawed followers?

Miss Match strikes a pose with a group of non-complementary colours, Scarfield fails to note that socks and pants clash with beanie and juxtaposed team scarf and Whorendus Juggs feels miniskirts in winter are ideal — provided they match the ugg boot trim.

Let’s not be put off sport by the victims. Gay and lesbian sport proves you can look sensational on field and off. Perhaps it is time you began with one of QSAM’s many activities and groups. Make one your own: Queer Sports Alliance Melbourne:

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