As the weather is starting to warm up I thought I’d offer you a Tomboy’s Guide To Summer: How to keep cool in a season where your cleavage-enhancing swimwear options may not necessarily reflect your personal style, where your flowing locks of prized yet impractical underarm hair cause a political dilemma and, finally, where to get wet.

Let’s start with bathers. If, like me, you’re the kind of lady who heads straight to the menswear section of department stores, it sucks that you end up feeling like a dragged-up member of The Footy Show when you go swimming.

For those of us blessed with boobs, there are hundreds of floral, frilly, push-up bikinis to choose from, or on the other hand, super-daggy, hardcore triathlete gear, neither of which feels quite right for a relaxed day at the beach.

No wonder so many chicks rock the makeshift boardies-and-singlet combo! I’m totally hanging for a line of swimwear that’s stylish, quick-dry and awesomely androgynous.

Next, body hair — to mow or grow? We’re all naturally hairy beasts, and those of us who take pride in propagating our more intimate tufts are often torn come summertime on what to do. Swimwear provides a catwalk for pubes and most of us aren’t fierce enough to strut our pit and punani fur gowns down the runway.

But does removing it mean you’ve succumbed to the patriarchy, or simply shed your winter coat as nature intended? Ponder that one in the bath tonight.

While we tomboys face our fair share of summer dilemmas, thankfully there are some pretty fun places to get wet. For anyone who hasn’t been to Sydney’s Coogee Women’s Baths, it’s basically a lez bar on the beach. You go to perve, pick up and swim if you really must. On weekends it’s packed with tattooed scenesters swigging Coronas and a few Muslim ladies sunning their immaculate skin in a testicle-free zone. It’s not too dissimilar to Melbourne’s Brunswick Baths, which from memory resembles a lesbian soup on particularly hot evenings.

As it’s only October I hope this gives you sufficient time to plan your summertime adventures. See you at the beach (possibly looking like a bikini-clad footballer unless I find a better option).


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