We live in a world where everyone’s assumed to be sexual. Music videos, TV shows, ads, you name it, portray anyone who has hit puberty as being into sex – whether they have it, want it or just wonder about it.
But what if you weren’t? What if your sexual orientation wasn’t straight, gay or bi? What if you weren’t sexually attracted to people at all? Nicki Minaj clips, Game Of Thrones, and the idea of making babies the “old-fashioned” way, must be, like, a total head fuck.
Because when it comes to sex, we’re all wired differently. While most of us dig some form of sexual intimacy, they say around 1 percent of folks are asexual.
But asexuality isn’t black and white. Just because someone’s not into sexy-times, doesn’t mean they don’t experience love or get pleasure from their body.
Some asexuals crave romantic relationships, just not sexual ones – these can be straight, gay, monogamous, open, whatever. Those who don’t experience romantic attraction are aromantic.
Many asexuals have sex drives and masturbate because with a bit of friction their bits work like anyone else’s. Some don’t fantasise about anything typically sexual, some do – including other people.
Before your brain explodes, remember – when it comes to fantasies, all orientations have something in common – what goes on in your head doesn’t always match up with what goes down in bed. Asexuals are no different.
It must be super-hard getting by in a society that’s so focussed on sex when you’re not into it. Think of the times when you’ve been single and everyone’s tried to match you up with their other single friend – and if you haven’t been open to it, it’s like you’ve let the team down.
Or if someone’s just not into hooking up, we often assume they’re gay – “they just haven’t realised it yet”.
Admittedly, my teens were a bit like this. But when I first fell for a girl in that “I wanna rip your clothes off” kinda way, my world changed forever. I remember feeling relieved that I could finally relate to love songs, and understood why people were obsessed with getting laid.
Sexual orientations, no matter how sexy, are complex and personal. As with any label society tries to stick on you, only you can decide what works for you – so it’s best to bring your own pen and some whiteout in case you need to edit later.