GerryNorth-e1342602124661111111111Some of us feel incomplete if we don’t have a partner; meanwhile others rejoice in the freedom of the single life. In any lifetime I personally think it is good to experience both states, single and partnered life. We can then say we have given it all a go before we head off to gay heaven. (I have made arrangements to meet under the mirror ball.)

Some people relationship-hop without having any time with just themselves. They only feel someone when with someone. The single state is, however, a place where you learn so much about yourself. In this state you test and know your strengths, passions and weaknesses.

When single, you do need to learn how to protect yourself with positive emotional energy and seek positive friends. The gay scene, I call it the homosexual landscape, is very hard on us at times – especially if we take it all too personally. Remember the gay scene is not all about us personally. It contains rejection, which is not about who we really are.

But say you are over being single and want a partner. How do you go about it when completely out of practice? Well, being realistic is probably a good place to start. Maybe you could consider some new clothes or getting a tad fitter. You will know what to do and give yourself a break by not being too hard on yourself.

Next, pick the contact avenue that best suits how you might realistically find someone. Going out and trying to meet someone is either going to be exciting or just plain frightening. If you feel fear, that means something is under threat. What is under threat is a good question to ask fear. Maybe home comfort but what has that offered you up to now?

Bars and Grindr type sex-meeting places can be full of rejection so be prepared. If you are going to use these contact mediums try to be as honest as you can about who you are and what you want. If you send out fibs you will get fibbers back. If you are an authentic person state it and ask for the same back.

There are a range of internet sites to suit all different ways to approach people. Rest assured there is someone out there looking for exactly what you want as well – companionship. There is also a large range of gay sports clubs and many other social clubs that are great to join. Get out there and feel connected to your gayness.

The message is this: being either single or partnered is a very valid way to live a gay life. If you feel you want to no longer be single then make realistic plans to change things. We all know they are not coming to bang on your front door in wet Speedos. (Shame that). And lastly stay authentic and honest. This is the most attractive part of you that others will love.

Gerry North is a gay counsellor. Email: or

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