Dear readers, this is my last month penning this little diatribe. Fasten your seatbelts. It could be a bumpy month. Keep your eye out for my last-ever column at the end of May. It’s sure to be a a doozie!

Which Sunday night venue, which has long been masquerading as gay, recently proved right what I thought all along, turning away most of the ‘gays’ at the door? Look, if you’re straight, you’re straight! Don’t be ashamed, embrace it!

If you come to terms with it, you will be much happier. Come out of your closet, I say. There’s nothing wrong with it. Why, some of my best friends are straight!

Drags Aloud are about to become expats. Fed up with the lack of opportunity in Melbourne (I hear ya!) the girls have decided to hitch their skirts and relocate to the UK.

Best of British luck, ladies. More high-camp talented performers no longer to be seen in Melbourne. Never mind, we still have 20-year-olds doing Britney. Yay!

Farewell Jessica, Amanda and Kris. Melbourne’s loss is Edinburgh’s gain.

Which northside venue recently committed the cardinal sin of refusing winners of Project Runway entry into their high-class establishment?

Something about dress code. Could it have been open toes? Too much skin? Rampant display of Ed Hardy? Dangerous piercings? I like to think it was their complete lack of resemblance to lesbians which this joint found so offensive. Get it together, aren’t we supposed to be an all-inclusive community?
Wouldn’t you want fashion-conscious punters at your bar? Hang on, I’ve been to this place, maybe I just answered my own question.

Apparently the long-time security face at a similar venue in the north got into a spot of bother the other night evicting some bothersome ladies. Reminding them that they were in a gay men’s venue was to no avail. Things finally got physical.

Apparently this friendly face has been on the door for 25 years or so and is now no more. Ay caramba!

Jamie Lee Skye recently had the whole town talking (and not about his gossip column website) about the tiresome message thread he had set up on Facebook. It seems not many were thrilled to get little red notification boxes popping up constantly. As for me, I was quite pleased, made me feel popular for once!

I have a new feature called ‘words that make me want to gouge my eyes out’.

The word of the week is ‘totes’. Argh — like fingernails on a blackboard.

In the meantime, remember, camp can indeed mean a thousand things.

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