“Let your brother wear the fuckin’ Santa hat,” the pregnant bogan yelled at her wayward child, clipping her around the top of her head. “I won’t tell ya again, Britney-Lea – and there’s plenty more where that came from,” warned the mother. I counted four screaming kids, no partner, and another due any moment. “All of yoos, get in the cab NOW!” And they were gone.

It was like I’d stepped into some ghastly parallel universe, surrounded by that atrocious redneck family from The Simpsons. All I could think was; what chance do these poor little buggers stand? Dumbass hicks thoughtlessly spawning offspring they’re unable to support.

Meanwhile, committed, caring and capable gay and lesbian parents wait patiently to adopt.

When you ask people why they believe kids need male and female parents, you might hear ‘they need a balance of role models.’ But why? ‘Because that’s how it should be’ is not an answer. Gender norms are a societal paradigm. Isn’t a sound upbringing more important than the sexual orientation of the parents? Kids usually seek out their own role models anyway. I drifted towards Mum. But I also I recall looking up to Wonder Woman, doing the Locomotion with Kylie, and wanting to be top dog in Prisoner.

There are also those who find themselves role models because they’re openly gay. Matthew Mitcham, Josh Thomas, and Sam Sparro. They’re a world away from the prehistoric archetypes. And they’re inclined to show people we’re ‘normal’.

Indubitably, that awful bogan mother was no role model. Raised on KFC and Red Bull, by the age of 10 her kids will be idolising Lindsay Lohan and Chopper Reid. By 15 they’ll be stealing cars and injecting meth. They’ll have done time by 20. Hopefully, I’m just being a cynical snob.

Hopefully, by then, we’ll have equality. And GLBTI couples will be able to marry and adopt.

Role models have their place. But maybe our experiences are more inclined to govern our moral compass. I got over my Prisoner fixation. And I can’t remember the last time I watched Wonder Woman. Did I pave my own way? Who knows? But I still do a pretty mean Locomotion.

Does that count?

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