I’m a Twitter fiend. I’m addicted to the rapid-fire blurting of 140 characters because I love the annoying, minute details of what’s happening in people’s lives.
Being the diligent queer that I am, I follow a stack of lesbians on Twitter — famous ones, friends and a few random dykes — and I’ve noticed some recurring themes in the things we lady-gays tweet.
Let me share with you a selection of “Shit Lesbians Tweet”:
From the ink-obsessed: Should I get a new tattoo?; Check out my new tattoo; @RubyRose1 who does your tattoos? To the curious: @missyhiggins when does your new album come out? (P.S. Marry me); Tegan or Sara?; Am I the only one who thinks @justinbieber’s hot? And the time-old question: Is @ellenpage a lesbian?
From the attention-seeking: Is my hair too long?; Does this make me look girly?; Do I look too much like Shane from The L Word? To the self-congratulatory: Just smashed out 50 push ups; 3 girls in 1 night #LOL or even — My raw vegan cookies are da bomb!
From the promotional: #FF @MagdaSzubanksi everyone!; Bonds undies 2 for 1 at Kmart; Go Missy! RT @MissyHiggins Last day to tell the senate you support marriage equality; Come see me at Drag Kings tonight #MikeHunt — To the confessional: So funny I literally have wee in my pants @TheEllenShow; @siamusic luv u; 1st dance class #fail. No one wanted to be the girl — and tragically — “Hot” young dyke turned out to be a schoolboy #feelingdirty
From the celebratory: Top game @Robb0 @slash16 @guns88 @auswomensgame #kickedass — To good old-fashioned venting: @Kylie1990 is a dirty slut. Stay away from my gf mole.; WTF @Pink is married?!!! #heartbroken — and — Adam Hills is lame. Why isn’t @hannagadsby host?
From the animal-loving: RT @RubyRose1 Spent a good part of the morning wrestling my dog on the floor pretending she was a baby crocodile; My gf thinks it’s weird I sleep with my dog; My cat’s gay #gaycat — To the hopeful: Penny Wong 4 PM #qanda — and finally — Gillian Anderson dated chicks! Still in with a chance! #XXXFiles
To all the Twitter-phobes out there, see what gold you’re missing out on! Then again, if your life is anything like mine — you’ve heard all this before.