That don’t impress me much

My short but productive time as a user of the gay “dating” app Grindr has led me to one sad observation that I’m sure many gay men have come to lament: The dick pic.

My Macbook’s browsing history is a testament to my enjoyment of naked men, but why a guy feels he needs to say “Hi” then send me a picture of his penis is beyond me. Is it a trophy? Is this how you pick up guys in clubs? Or is it just meant to place me in a state of awe that I HAVE to have it?

I recall a conversation with a very pretty 24 year-old. The conversation was great to start with. We got all the necessary details panned out such as favourite movie, taste in music, career aspirations etc. Then came the big question.

“Got more pics?” he said, “Of course!” I replied, and so I sent a nice little picture of me at a party with one of my best friends. Nothing sexy, just me being me.

“Got another? he swiftly replied, and so I sent another photo of me from this years Mardi Gras. It was a bit more sexy but nothing you couldn’t show to your PFLAG mother.

Then there it was, six inches of disappointment and the destruction of any fancy restaurant first date. Sure, Grindr probably isn’t the place to find the love of your life, but it’s not a technologically-advanced trench coat with a million exhibitionists underneath it all with a penchant for public flashing.

I’m sure there are many guys out there who are picky when it comes to penises. Size queens that like ‘em big, some boys squeal at the thought of a pinky anywhere near their nether regions – and don’t even get me started on the never-ending cut/uncut debate.

I know it’s difficult, but keep it in your pants. A little discretion never hurt anyone. It might even get you laid.

By JESSE MATHESON