If there’s anything you want to know about dating, I’m your man. Dating, in mini version that is. Apparently I have a face that tells mini people they can tell me anything.

Beau and his mate Blue are in the backseat of my car one night, hurtling

towards a pizza shop. They are happily talking about their friends who have girlfriends, at the age of eight. I ask them about their girlfriends, and both boys hiss at the thought, but equally embellish details about their friends escapades at school.

The results of my survey are as such:

– ‘Having a girlfriend’ means boy and girl, it’s quite a strict rule apparently.
– ‘Dating’ means you have to hold hands, at least once.
– ‘Having a boyfriend’ is fine, but just don’t do any kissing or holding hands. You may play handball together.
– ‘Marriage’ means pulling a girls tops up to see their boobs.

Post dinner, on our way home, Beau and Blue are professing their marriage proposals to each other, especially after such a successful dinner date with flying slices of pizza, spilled lemonade and greasy fingerprint tops – and spotless serviettes.

A few weeks later we are out with a few families and it’s my job to quieten the hungry children. Beau and Chick are with their mates Hawke, and his sister CeeCee.

Hawke leans over his chair asking me if I want to know a secret. Ah, have we met? Hand it over kiddo.

So it’s like this:

– Hawke has three girlfriends, but one doesn’t know about the other two.
– He has held hands and even kissed them all on the face
– When quizzed, he smiled and said they smelt nice.
– When asked what is the next step for his harem, he decides another girl is needed to fill the void.

I went back to the parents, took a sip of red and commented: ‘Well, you guys need to listen up, they’ve got us sussed…’

INFO: You can follow John on Twitter: @daddydearest_ and on Facebook: DaddyDearest

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