monique1111I wonder how it feels to be the last guy a girl dates before she comes out as a lesbian.

Gold star gays are few and far between, so chances are you’ve been that girl who discovered her inner-gayness while dating a dude – then smashed his heart, made him question his masculinity, and forced him to have uncomfortable conversations with his mates about what went wrong. The poor guy is probably still copping shit about it.

Not that that’s your fault. But heartbreak of any kind sucks ass.

Imagine it happened to that guy more than once? One of my ex-boyfriends had a taste for tomboys en route to Lesbos. His girls turned gay so frequently he eventually learned to laugh about it.

It’s unfortunate that guys in this situation become the butt of jokes because, in actual fact, the last guy a lesbian dates is generally the best guy of the lot.

My last boyfriend was a total legend. Smart, cute, funny, excellent taste in music, great style; all the things you’d want in a partner. But alas I felt no spark. Over the course of that (rather platonic) relationship, I learnt that if I wasn’t going to work with him, it wasn’t going to work with any dude.

I guess it’s one of the rare occasions where the cliché, “It’s not you, it’s me” is actually true. Not that it makes it any easier to hear. But to all the straight guys who’ve been down that path, it’s important for you to know that being dropped by a girl for another girl, is more often than not, a wonderful compliment.

Guys don’t turn girls gay. Some guys are just there at that time in a girl’s development where she realises something fundamental about herself. Often it’s because she’s finally in a good, safe, healthy place to work stuff out. And after the heartache that follows any break up, you’ve potentially got a best mate for life.

I occasionally feel sorry for the guys I dated, and broke up with, well before I’d seen the light of gay. One day we’d be pashing behind the high school canteen, the next day I’d tell them I wasn’t feeling it and wanted out. Simple as that. Leaving them sad, angry and incredibly confused.

I had no awareness of the pain they were feeling, simply because I’d never been in love. Not even teenage “love”. It was only when I fell for a girl in my early 20s that I realised how fragile and totally melodramatic the heart can be.

I often wonder if it’s worth tracking down those dudes and apologising for the brutal way I dropped them. At least the last boyfriend knew it was me, not him. Well except for that Y chromosome.

© Star Observer 2020 | For the latest in lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and intersex (LGBTI) news in Australia, be sure to visit starobserver.com.au daily. You can also read our latest magazines or Join us on our Facebook page and Twitter feed.