Thinking Of Becoming A Dad? Don’t Leave Your Planning Too late

It is alarming how fast the rainbow family-building landscape has shifted in the past decade. Ten years ago, there was a large cohort of gay couples and singles who flocked to India to chase their dream of family; a similarly large group did the same in Thailand a few years later. Smaller numbers built families with the help of surrogates in Cambodia and Nepal. One by one those countries closed their unregulated programs as governments and gay intended dads alike wised up to the challenges that a lack of supportive laws posed.

Amidst all this, surrogacy arrangements right here in Australia have steadily grown in popularity -with a caveat. The lack of structured support, screening and compensation for Australian surrogates means many fall over before they even get to the embryo transfer stage.

The lucky amongst us have a siter or friend who might step forward to offer her eggs, or even to carry our child. But for most, this is too big an ask and they look further afield – to the US or Canada – stalwarts of the surrogacy landscape – and more recently to programs in Colombia or Argentina to create family. There are pros and cons to all these options which are vital to understand.

Nothing is more dangerous than being lured into an offshore family-building program via a google search without understanding the provider’s track-record, credentials, and more importantly, the laws and customs of that destination. I had a panicked young Irish couple reach out to me last month.

They had bought into a ‘fixed price’ surrogacy program in Kenya, attracted by low prices. The lack of regulation or oversight meant their fertility doctor transferred three embryos. All took, but they had no understanding of this until they read a WhatsApp message on their phone. Their surrogate was in labour two months early with triplets. The infants were rushed to Intensive Care and the young couple scrambled to find a flight from Ireland, before finding themselves extorted for huge amounts in additional medical bills they could not afford. Worse, Kenya has no tolerance for homosexuals. They had to pretend they were brothers. Only one could visit their newborns.

Cross-border surrogacy can be an arduous journey with a myriad grey areas. My one piece of advice is to start planning early. If you think you want to be a dad in three years time and do it without financial hardship – now is the time to start gathering information, saving funds and getting yourself on agency wait-lists.

Between 5 – 8 November, at seminars in Brisbane, Melbourne and Perth – singles and couples will share their journeys to parenthood here in Australia, in Canada, the US and Colombia, including how they planned, budgeted and survived the hurdles. The seminars bring together surrogates, intended parents and experts from around the globe.  They are a great opportunity to get educated on the options available, the risks and ensure you can look back on your family building journey with pride. Go to www.growingfamilies.org/all-events