Art therapy

I grew up in the country but we moved to Sydney when I was four and I went to a pretty rough school in Fairfield. It seemed like a lot of guys had very well-developed gaydar, even when they were in primary school, and picked me as gay even before I knew it. There were a lot of homophobic comments but I was also tall so I deflected a lot of that.

After Year 12 I got out of there as quickly as I could. Going to university in Newcastle was an easy escape. I went up there for a year and failed miserably my first year of IT, the career I actually ended up in.

While I was there I knew there was something indefinable about my sexuality that I didn’t understand back then. Then I started going out with a woman. I came back to Sydney and we moved to Surry Hills.

It was difficult because we had a lot of gay friends, and we would come down to Patches and the Exchange and hang out with them. On the one hand it was where I wanted to be but on the other hand I hated every second of it. The whole internal struggle intensified in those places.

As soon as we left the bars I felt relief but also a longing to dump my girlfriend and go back in there and hang out with guys. But I ended up marrying my girlfriend in 1992. I thought it was the best thing that I could do and that I could learn to accept that I couldn’t be gay.

Part of it was dealing with how I thought my parents would cope if I came out. Dad was a police officer and when I was growing up I was surrounded by a macho sub-culture.

In 1993 my wife and I went to the UK to live. While I was in the UK I met a guy who lived in the next town from us. He was Scottish and I fell in love with the accent instantly. I then fell in love with him.

I guess subconsciously I had always been looking for that reason to accept that I was gay, and in him I found it. It was the most exciting and the most devastating revelation.

I figured this man was there for a reason. I couldn’t tell my wife I was leaving her for another man -“ that was too hard. We had already been having some problems, so that was the reason I gave to her.

We split up in 1996. I moved out and shared a flat with a lesbian couple who were really supportive. My wife tried for us to get back together but I knew that wasn’t going to happen.

She was sponsoring my UK visa. She decided she wasn’t going to renew my side of it, so I had about four weeks to try and sort things out. I decided to come back to Australia with my then partner.

I sponsored him to stay in Australia and eventually he became a resident, but it was a drawn-out and stressful experience and it put a strain on our relationship. We split up in 2000.

A few years ago I saw a piece of fabric on eBay that had a geometric design within different shades of blue. I loved it so I bought it. I made a frame and hung it on the wall, and everyone commented on it.

I started making wall hangings with fabric stretched across a frame, but I was running out of room at home. I was giving all this stuff away and people suggested I try to sell it.

I started a stall at Bondi Markets last year. It was on every Sunday and I had to get up at 6am every week, work all day and come home at 7pm. I did that for about three months but I was getting too tired.

I found out about Kirribilli Art and Design Markets. It is on the second Sunday of each month. A lot of great people go there and everybody is really friendly.

It’s exciting to see other people who make their own products and invest themselves in what they make and are passionate about it. It really is my creative outlet.

The clientele tends to be a little bit conservative, being from the North Shore. I’m hoping to get more of a diverse crowd at the markets, so that other people can experience how beautiful some of these products are and can get some joy from them.

Interview by Ian Gould

For more information about the Kirribilli Art and Design Markets visit their website.