Each time I go out I am asked by up-and-coming showgirls what they have to do to become a showgirl. My usual first response is, buy me a drink and we may talk. But I got to thinking last week, is there really anything that you have to do or see that would make you a better drag queen? Do you have to watch a video, read a book or even do a course?

I am not sure if there is any compulsory reading, though many showgirls do get a reputation for only reading the label on a bottle of wine to see how much alcohol is in it. As for me, I don’t mind the fabulous novelettes you can buy at the Toolshed, but to be honest I usually end up just looking at the pictures and not reading the stories. I have a real-life excessive/compulsive disorder at the moment, where I have to buy every trash magazine on the stands. From Who Weekly to NW, I have the lot. My flatmate is trying to wean me off them by restricting my purchases to only one a week. I have been told that it won’t happen overnight, but it will happen eventually.

When it comes to performing, I would suggest aligning yourself with a community charity. I know everyone talks about doing their time with charity work but really it is a great way to get your name out into the community and meet fabulous people.

And let’s face it, it doesn’t hurt to get your sorry arse off the lounge, throw on a face and go and be nice to people once in a while, does it? There’s nothing better than going out in full drag in the middle of summer with a BGF bucket to see if you can really cut it as a showgirl. If I can do it, anyone can.

I guess when it comes down to it, I have no bloody idea what you have to do to become a showgirl. And if it was so easy, everyone would do it. With that all said and done, I will leave on a quote from the fabulous Wyness Mongrel Bitch: When Mitzi, Trudi and I am dead, what is going to happen to drag?

EYESPY Last Tuesday saw the Australian launch of New Zealand wine Pansy, in Stonewall’s cocktail bar. And after numerous glasses, I am not ashamed to give it a double thumbs up. There would be nothing better than arriving with a bunch of pansies and not having to look for a vase.

The place to be on a Saturday night is the Civic Hotel, with Kitty Glitter and four of the hottest dancers in Sydney.

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