End of an era

This week I am making sure I beat the vicious gossip machine before it whirls into overdrive. When set to high, it seems to chew up and spit out the best of us, whether the gossip is true or not. It’s crazy that a huge story can be invented from the sniff of an oily rag. I admit I have been one of those to gossip my arse off every now and then, finding myself knee-deep in a he said, she said, we said story, but what is said on the lounge in PJs with a Tim Tam in your hand surely shouldn’t count.

After five very long and fabulous years, Vanity Faire and I are parting households. Many would love to think we are moving apart because we hate each other and are fighting like cats and dogs, but to be honest this is not true.

For the last five years we have shared costumes, wigs, make-up; I have cleaned up many of Toto’s accidents, while Vanity has done her fair share of Kakadu’s cat vomit removal. It’s these types of things that develop a friendship that nothing can break.

Many of those years our house looked like it had been stirred with a stick, usually after a huge party where costumes were basically sewn straight onto the body or when a show was given life in our lounge room. What would you expect from a house with two showgirls? Visitors hardly know how to deal with drag from one end of our place to another, but they’re often the first to return if they need anything for a fancy dress party or hair for some awards night.

If the public wants bitching, fighting and us hating each other, you will have to give us a little while to prepare something, I’m sure between us we can come up with some great Dynasty-style bitch-slapping scenes, I could add the humorous lines and Vanity could make us both look a million dollars. There is nothing better than a well-choreographed fight scene in the most public place possible.

All in all, I have to say, though we will not be sharing a house any more, Vanity and I will be sisters forever. I have learnt a lot from her professionalism and perfectionist attitude to her craft. I am very proud to call her a mate and I am hoping her new pad has the biggest pool and spa she can find. We may be entering winter but I have a swimsuit that is just screaming for a public appearance.