It was like Thelma And Louise, except we didn’t pick up Brad Pitt, no one got shot and, instead of two, there were three. To be honest it was nothing like Thelma And Louise. I am talking about my recent adventure to the nation’s capital, Canberra. Unlike many who take the long trip down south, I wasn’t going there to extend my DVD collection. Instead, Polly Petrie and I were performing at Cube nightclub.

And what an adventure it was, Harley in the driver’s seat with the car programmed on cruise control all the way, and Polly aaarrrggghh-ing at points of interest all the way from the passenger’s side with constant referring to her cunt-try area -“ the hours seemed to slip past.

Let’s face it, I haven’t been down that way for at least 12 years, so the tranquil drive was fabulous (though it did take one hour to get out of Sydney).

It wasn’t an exceptionally busy night at Cube, but I have to say the club is great. I was told my face lit up when I saw two poles right in the middle of the dancefloor (yes, I did show off a little bit). Polly and I also got to met one of the local Canberra girls, Chicago, who let us know where the cute guys were and who to speak to re drinks(!)

If you ever get a chance, pop in to Cube. You will love it. Oh, and both of the owners are very cute. (I was even nude in front of Morris.)

Someone once told me that the three most stressful experiences you can have are to move house, to have someone close to you die and to fall in love. Jesus, give me strength, I seem to have done all three within the last three weeks. Freshly back from my capital city adventure, I was straight into packing. And with that, the file is opened. Moving is shithouse! And what is even worse, cleaning an old house is shithouse.

But it has all been done and now all my shit has relocated one more time to a new venue. With Fuchsia behind the wheel of a two-tonne truck screaming keep on truckin’ to every passer-by, and the help of many hands (Sheila, Atlanta, Dallas and Graham), the majority of stuff was moved.

So what now, you may well be asking. Like everyone else I will probably just live out of the boxes for a while until I decide to unpack.

EYESPY Life is not a dress rehearsal. And you usually fall for the least likely. That’s two true sayings that have really rung true for me the last couple of weeks. Oh, if only you could turn it off like a light switch.

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