The lady vanishes

Okay, I retract my comment from last week. All men aren’t bastards, just some. The most important question is, Why are we attracted to the bastards? Anyway, enough words of wisdom about men.

This week after many enquiries I have decided to do an update on my diminishing waistline. It has become so extreme that I have started to hear many new nicknames: Minnie Shield, Micro Shield and my favourite Anna Rexia (it’s Russian).

As many know I have been participating in an Extreme Makeover-style doco, filmed by Delicatestent [sic.] Films and City Gym. Basically I have been coupled with one of the best personal trainers in Sydney, Katy Try, who has put me through the wringer almost every day. I’ve been eating nothing but protein (keep your minds out of the gutter please) and salads, off alcohol and what seems like everything good and, after hours and kilometres on the treadmill and cross trainer, I’ve slowly seen before my very eyes my three bums become one.

This was all directed towards this year’s DIVAs. In theory I was to unveil my new body and take home an arm full of awards. The award thing was a little off the mark, but the response to my slimmer self really brought it home for me.

So have I kept it going since DIVAs? Yes, but not as strictly as before. I couldn’t really have myself get bigger on film, could I? I went from 96kg down to 76kg, which I am stuck on at the moment. My body fat percentage has dropped to a low that even I thought was impossible. I now jog seven kilometres almost every day and went from a 40in waist to 30in.

And it seems many other showgirls are taking a leaf out of my book. Tess Tickle is on about a 200-calorie diet, eating nothing but grass. Candy is walking to work and back to home every day (that is, when she actually makes it home). And I am sure everyone has seen the ever-fading Dallas Dellaforce, getting around in nothing but a piece of cloth knotted in a few appropriate places. But don’t get me wrong, I didn’t mind being the fat chick. I had an opportunity to try something new and god knows I am not getting any younger. So I took it.

Now if there are any showgirls out there who want to join City Gym, go in and speak to Justin or Adam and tell them that you too want to be as skinny as Maxi. They will look after you. I may see you on the treadmill, or even in the change room if you are lucky.

EYESPY God, don’t we love a good rumour! One going around is that Mitzi and Minnie had a punch-up and Minnie now has a black eye. Both were unavailable for comment.

Oh, and Cleo, hands off my man!