It’s my birthday once again and I’ve hit the big 37. I’ve never felt better.

My 30s have been a wonderful part of my life, where everything seems to fall into place. I know who I am and where I am going. Things seem to be clearer as you get older


Like most things, there are ups and downs but on the whole things are cruising along perfectly. My career is booming — when something finishes it is almost instantly replaced with something bigger and better.

It seems each birthday comes around and I stop and think where am I going in this life, and should I still be doing the job that I am now, realistically. I stand back and gaze at where I am, and think there are still quite a few more years in me.

With so many young showgirls saturating the dancefloors, it’s great to have someone who knows about Gilligan’s Island or can quote from Muriel’s Wedding or even knows what actually happened to Baby Jane.

Young and fresh has its place, but a good seasoned bird — well, who wants the parsons nose?

I was typing away just a day out from my birthday and suddenly realised I had a sniffle. When you’re at ease at turning another year older, it seems you get a cold or you hurt yourself, just to give you that small jab of doubt. Maybe I’m not that fine, maybe those lines on my forehead have gotten deeper, do I need Botox — oh God, I need Botox.

Soon I found myself up against the mirror sniffling and sneezing away, pulling my eyelids up, madly moisturing the bags. Oh, the age is catching up with me, I’m on a slow ride down. Where do I go?

I could stop shaving and become a Bear, though the hair in my nose tickles and makes me sneeze. I could become a leather man, though leather is more expensive than drag, so that’s not going to work.

Oh, I have it — this sniffly, sneezy old drag queen is going to be a nudist. Then everyone can see my drag bags and where I keep my spare pair of lashes.

I’ve had my outburst and I’ve settled down. No nudist yet, so Sydney can be at ease once again.

If you see me over the weekend, come give me a big kiss and hug for my birthday, but be careful — I’m not as young as I used to be.

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