Divided we cruise
Are you a twink? A cub? Or maybe you’re a horny pig daddy?
Yes, I’m referring to online dating. More specifically, the insular labels we use while dipping our wick in the web-dating porthole. Terminology that, as some suggested under my column last week, is intended to be exclusionary. So is it another form of cyber-bulling?
Is it internalised homophobia?
Internalised homophobia is one of those fashionable maxims. It sounds introspective and erudite. And while the majority of discrimination comes from hetero bigots, it’s probably safe to say there’s an element of prejudice among our community.
We tend to stick to our own clique, which is only natural. But when we digress into exclusionary attitudes that ostracise others, things invariably go pear-shaped. Hardly a good example for GLBTI youth, right?
I realise it’s OK to be honest about preferences when cruising. But use a bit of diplomacy, for heaven’s sake. The other day I came across; “no Asians, fems, or HIV+. Only fit Aussie blokes. No trannie freaks or fatties. Real men only. DTE straight-acting buff and hung only need apply”.
My, I think he must have been looking for a porn star.
I could get very Freudian. Yet surely it could have been worded differently. Then again, why use those naff labels in the first place? Clearly, that would have been too civilised for his majesty.
And when did racism and misogyny become acceptable? Asinine references to ‘rice queens’ or ‘sardines’ are no better than a Torana full of bogans screaming homophobic insults. Snide remarks about the overweight or elderly are rife. And you know, someday cupcake, you might be a ‘fat fuck’ too.
The diversity of our community is part of what makes it awesome. Let’s employ the acceptance we seek, and stop alienating each other. If you don’t like drag, don’t go to drag shows. If you’re not into leather, the leather crowd may not be your thing.
Don’t let homophobes use our ‘infighting’ against us. I noticed a forum poster recently suggest the marriage debate is a form of self-perpetuated oppression — which is ridiculous, of course. But don’t give ’em the ammunition.
Stop discriminating against your own community. And stop being little bitches. United we stand. We have bigger fish to fry. Like those crackpot religious yokels protesting at gay soldiers’ funerals.
But that’s another column.
By DAMIEN STEPHENS
Selective terminology doesn’t have to be exclusionary, preferential labelling, especially in contact medium should really be seen as practical. Presumably if one feels excluded or discriminated by certain contact terminology it must mean that they don’t fit the bill…and if so they wouldn’t want to be in contact anyway. Once we regard being excluded from something as being purely discriminatory, it takes away the basic right to choose freely.
Just saw ‘Outrage’ we think we have problems……
I believe straight acting is pretty much an underlining form of self hate, it’s almost like the guys who use it are saying “I dig guys but DONT EVER call me a fag”. It reminds me of the term “GOY” which is a straight men who like to play with other guys, there is even a website out there for “Goy’s” the most funniest thing is the website holds instructions on how to seduce a straight man – I’m not kidding!
As for you David, I have a load of things I would like to say but you have pretty much proven my main point of the majority of homophobes being uneducated bogans, your ranting just gives me mental images of that farmyard yokel from the Simpsons
“Political correctness gone mad”. Hmmm…more like tired cliches gone mad. I’m surprised the term “unAustralian” hasn’t been used yet.
And what is “straight-acting” anyway? Fred Nile is straight – do you mean acting like him? So attractive. Why would you want a relationship with someone who pretends to be something they’re not?
Anyhow, I think it’s good that some men openly say they want a straight-acting partner. It means they’re closet cases so I know to stay away.
Its merely just political correctness gone mad. Seriously, this world needs to loosen up on freakin everything! Anything you say is held against you…
Damien I should have put this, you point about the overweight and elderly, love the cupcake bit, but the issue is, we all have types and if you are a gym boy and want only gym boys is that wrong or homopobic? That is the problem. Go for what you want, but be nice about it. Is it political correctness if you are a gym boy to say only gym boys wanted? That’s the problem: saying no can be done politely, but some gay men seem to think if you are not 100% it you should be shot. That is a bit of an alarmist statement, but my point is there is nothing wrong with wanting X person with X traits, but if that other does not move on and stop paying out because someone ‘old’ or ‘fat’ liked you. Just my view, it is up to those that get turned down to simply ignore those that say the bad words. Good points Damien.
The previous posting also proves my point. Homophobia perhaps needs to be treated with pity. The poor things can’t even spell correctly.
See that’s the thing, I don’t want an Asian or Middle Eastern Partner, but I cannot put that in an ad. Is that racist? Based on the term as discriminating, yes. But what about those that do not like fems or fatties? You cannot say ok you must not put a person’s ethnicity but it is ok to degrade their looks. That is why it is very hard when receiving replies from the other lands, the fat, the fems, the old. How do you balance getting what you want with not hurting others? Aside from not dating and using sites, nothing, because we all want certain types. Maybe I have seen an indirect form of discrimination: I have seen these things phrased more kindly, ie I like men who look after themselves or white caucasian seeks same. It would be great to hear others’ views because we can scream tolerance but we want a partner that has a set criteria and that is a part of human nature. If they controlled it, well what if you were 18 and some 80 year old wanted to meet you, you can say no thank you, but if you are not allowed to put in the ad you have to be 18 to 25, then look at the consequences. Either way, controlled or not, someone will get hurt.
David!!!!
Not all mentally different are homophobes.You are a prejudiced shit.
The last posting really makes me concerned about the underfunding of mental health services in this country.
i so sick and tiref of hearing ooh poor us this and that i am STRAIT and glad to be so many of thesee stories on here are poor us look what the straights are doing to us now its look at what yous are doing to each other.; u want martriage and kids and these are HERTOSEXUAL AND NORMAL RIGTS NOT GAY RIGTS!!!!!! plus all the things u say about fags killing themdelves arnt even trye!! and the stuff against religion u wont be that smug when GOD HAS THE LAST LAUGH!!!!!!!
“Stop discriminating against your own community. And stop being little bitches. United we stand” – I couldn’t agree more.
This article should be photocopied and sprawled al over Oxford st.
“Terminology that, as some suggested under my column last week, is intended to be exclusionary. So is it another form of cyber-bulling?” – This is a very good question, I can see why it would be a form of bullying as they have that element of “seclusion”, I guess we don’t see it that way as we don’t view “political correctness” as a major thing in our social culture (the Australian culture not just gay culture lol)