Just call me fancy pants
The school bell squeals, butterflies rise from the pit of my stomach. I start trembling, bracing myself for the journey across the grassy knolls. Then from afar, that evil cackle – the maniacal, taunting laugh of my schoolyard bully. The gig was up. Nowhere to hide, no classroom in sight.
My bestie, Justine, wasn’t with me. A punk hippie skinhead with a badass reputation; no one ever gave her any crap. My dim-witted nemesis only tried it once with her present. She gave him a wedgie and smacked him to the ground.
He wasn’t so smug after that.
This particular day I was without muscle though. He pointed and screamed with mock laughter, spitting and yelling derisions until I reached the sanctity of the common room. If only the ground would part and swallow me whole. I could still hear that cackle resonating outside. Much like a cockatoo, really.
This was my hell. For many same-sex attracted youth, it’s worse.
That any intelligent person living in 2010 might suggest I ‘chose’ this path of persecution is beyond me. And yet technology has brought bullying into every moment of our lives. Ongoing research into the ‘gay gene’ suggests the development of sexual orientation include genetics, prenatal hormones, and brain structure.
Clearly, homosexuality is not a choice.
I’m no banner-waving trailblazer, but gay rights are human rights. I’m Damien before I’m Damien: the gay guy with gay genes. If I sound melodramatic, blame my family. I inherited the drama queen gene. Just call me fancy pants.
Many who tout acceptance are full of shite. You can always tell. Yes, progress is being made and people are more educated. But we’re still without equality. We’re still second-class citizens. Those posturing politically correct gestures of liberality soon become tiresome and transparent.
They can be particularly disappointing.
I’m not an especially religious individual – as you may have guessed – but I’d never deny anyone their beliefs. Sexual orientation, as we know it, was unknown in biblical times. Whether you can tolerate the ignorance and hate rife within most Christian clans is another matter.
And you know, sometimes I still hear that bloody cockatoo. It’s ironic, right? Nowadays I don’t mind a cock or two. This was not, however, a conscious choice.
But prejudice is.
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Organised religion is a nonsense that is used/modified by the conservative right to get what they want when they want it ….. it has lost its original meaning
I guess you could say that at some time the moment of realisation hits us all. Hetro boys in their early youth suddenly discover an innocent attraction to females and follow their path… no problem cut and dry. Gay boys have the same innocent feeling for males and then follow their path. Couldn’t be easier. Yeah sure….Except that no matter how much one fights for equality, acceptance and total integration. It will never happen…and this is because gay and lesbians will always be a minority. Even if there is 100% genuine acceptance of one’s sexual orientation, the majority will always judge minority groups as different and bully them accordingly. I guess the only way to solve this is to have a Gay majority… but if one can’t choose one’s sexuality how can we increase our numbers…foiled again.
I believe when religion was invented it was a time where people where still primitive, thus to create some “civilized” order and control they made allot of sexual elements (as well as other things) a sin ie homosexuality, adultery etc – that way it forced everyone to commit to reproduce – without these rules their would’ve been allot of orphaned kids running around and society would not have been established.
Religion has worked in that regard because the people back then needed those rules to survive and live with each other – we are in an age where we can all live side by side (well mostly) thus we no longer need these stupid man made rules to guide us (well we can def keep some).
I can relate to your words about the “posturing politically correct gestures of liberality which soon become tiresome and transparent”.
And I mirror your dissapointment.
But I hope your not feeling too defeatist at the moment? Not when there is so many wonderful things in the world and in our lives.
It is amazing to me that people still think like this, that we chose our sexual orientation. As Wanda Sykes said, is it the same for straight guys? Do they think “Hmm, I might suck a dick today…… naahh”
Well said Damian. I always enjoy your writings. And I won’t hold it against you for enjoying the odd cock or two lol