Which naughty young showgirl had way too much fun on a Thursday night and missed her Friday gig, calling in sick at the last minute?

You have been a very bad girl. There’s no sick leave in this game, babe. If you don’t show up, you don’t get your little present at the end of the night.

This girl’s candle is burning at both ends at the moment. Honey, take it easy, take some time for yourself, run a bath, get a scented candle out, pour yourself a glass of tang on ice and slow down.

A few girls around town have way too much to say for themselves. I’m talking about the bona fide biological girls of the fag hag kind.

My message is this — you have found a place in our community and have been made to feel welcome. Don’t then start shooting your mouth off. You are a guest here and your sparkly pink membership card could be revoked.

Many proud gay men and lesbians have gone before us to provide us with the community we now enjoy and, in certain cases, so it seems, take for granted.

I won’t stand by and let some ‘Jilly come lately’ tell me (blithely over a gin and tonic in a gay bar, no
less) that my community is redundant and unnecessary.

As an ‘elder’ of this circus we all find ourselves in, I was more than a little annoyed.

Now excuse me while I get down off my soapbox — always tricky in Lucite heels.

Rumours abound that one of this town’s oldest is apparently about to mount the boards with not one, not two, but 10 male dancers.

Goodness, not even Lady Gaga — or Carol Channing — has that many.

Just like the hokey pokey (everybody’s doin’ it, doin’ it), it appears there is a mass outbreak of Proud Mary in Melbourne, like some communicable illness. The same chorie is springing up like weeds in every venue.

We might wind up like those inmates of that Asian prison doing a mass Thriller dance-off. I can just see it — the battle of the Marys! Big wheel keeps on turning…

A troupe of young lovelies who were set to make their TV debut have been ‘pipped at the post’, so to speak. Monte Dee and her band of merry trannies were given the bum’s rush from Australia’s Got Talent in a shock dismissal.

I hope it wasn’t Monte’s foul mouth that got them shafted. I know how that girl can be after a few sambucas.

I’m disappointed. I was looking forward to seeing some Melbourne sisters on the telly. I had my stable table, slippers and cuppa all ready.Until next time, remember, camp can mean a thousand things.

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