Flash some gash, Fame Monsters! George Michael wants our sex. Christina gets Dirty.

When it comes to Australian TV though, it appears the Nanny Brigade is on 24/7 smut-alert, spruiking their special brand of neurosis and ensuring Australia stays firmly planted in the 1950’s.

Channel 9 has received a wrap over the knuckles for airing a gay sex scene with an AV rating at 10.30pm. The ACMA received a complaint opining the Dante’s Cove scene included: ‘detailed and explicit scenes of oral sex, and in one scene you got a full frontal view of the man’s genitals.’

Shock, horror! I’m surprised the word ‘un-Australian’ wasn’t used.

The debauchery apparently included ‘thrusting during simulated fellatio’, ‘thrusting during simulated intercourse’ and ‘genital nudity in a sexual context’. Nine claimed ACMA is biased against male-to male-sex. How many times they had to ‘examine’ the scene while fighting the good fight is anyone’s guess. Perhaps Fred Nile could lend a hand? It’d all be over in 60 seconds.

Of course the ACMA denies any prejudice. But their homophobic hang-ups are obvious. Two sheilas? No worries. Katy Perry likes kissing girls. But there’ll be none of that Brokeback Mountain stuff. Not in my backyard. Not on Austraawyun telly!

Even Glee’s tribute to The Rocky Horror Picture Show was sanitised into a saccharine yawn-fest designed for commercial consumption.

Honestly, when did we become a bunch of uptight curmudgeons who get in a tizz over the slightest hint of flesh? Shows like Two and a Half Men and Hey Hey Its Saturday are the real culprits. Although I’ve always said you just can’t have enough mediocrity on Australian TV.

Lady Gaga and any number of Gen Next artists push the envelope infinitely further. And their money-spinning sensationalist clips target the younger demographic. Yes kids, just text ‘It’s Britney bitch’ to be in the running for an extreme makeover. That’s right, you too can get that ‘ano’ look simply by living on cabbage soup and Cayenne Pepper.

We should look forward to the day ‘that’s so gay’ means ‘that’s so cool’. Much like bad, insane or dope. Yes, I’d welcome a night of gay telly. This hypocritical nanny state really needs to relax.

Until then, I guess we’re stuck with censored episodes of Dante’s Cove and porn.

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