On our website, Down an’ Dirty, http://www.downandirty.org/ we have four videos of stories where guys share openly how they deal with sex and relationships.
One of the videos describes how two Melbourne guys manage to have an “open, but committed relationship”. This video generated a comment about the supposed oxymoron of being in an open but committed relationship.
I believe we are all entitled to our opinions, but when it comes to relationships, they are not a rigid concept, there is not a one-size-fits-all. Open relationships might not work for all people, but it doesn’t mean that people involved in them are not committed to each other.
In my opinion, the key to any successful relationship, especially an open one, is communication. Being able to clearly identify and state what you will be OK with and what will make you uneasy is essential.
The fact that at some point you might agree to give it a go doesn’t mean that you or your partner(s) will want to stay in an open relationship. Always leave room to revisit the issue.
Trust is a major issue for an open relationship to work, which is why guys discuss and create rules that work for them and agree to be upfront and honest about encounters outside the primary relationship. Knowing that you or your partner(s) won’t be put at risk by hidden or untold information is important.
Open relationships will always generate a rich debate — and even division — in the gay community. I always enjoy a good conversation, but as soon as someone uses the word “moral”, I get suspicious and end up losing interest.
I believe morality involves people behaving in a right or wrong way, which might change in accordance with variables such as nationality, gender, social customs, race, sexual orientation, and so on.
It can all get a bit philosophical when you start to break it down, but the bottom line is that wherever you stand on these issues, an overarching word needs to remembered: respect.
I choose to get involved and encourage conversations where respect for different opinions is granted and a high degree of willingness to maybe compromise is present.
Visit http://www.downandirty.org/ and look for Craig and Scot’s video and let us know what you think.
Far from simplifying open relationships by excusing them as a fear of commitment or sex addiction, relationships have different degrees of negotiation.
Whether you are in an open relationship or not, just remember the more sexual partners you have, the more frequently you should get a sexual health check.
By CARLOS SEPULVEDA
