A few months back I stood waiting with friends to enter a New York gay nightclub. The doorman man looked at me and said, “Ah come on in you haven’t got much time to go”. I was devastated thinking, at my age, maybe I should not be in trendy gay nightclub where the average age was much younger. I felt really old suddenly and out of place. Then it dawned on my, he was saying the nightclub was closing soon and it was not about my age at all.

During our lives we have the constant regular feeling that our age is unacceptable and we are getting too old. Ask a 30-year-old and they will be as upset at being their age as a 50-year-old is coming to terms with their birthday. Age and our feelings towards it are relative to how we think about ourselves. If we think negatively about our self and our age then we also project that to the world.

You can be a very vibrant 40-year-old gay man, or a 50, 60,70,80 and even 90-year-old. It’s all about how you talk to your own mind. Unfortunately human research shows us our brains have a negative bias. That comes from the amygdala part of our brain which is constantly looking out for danger with fight, flee or freeze as the call to survive. So we protect ourselves with a negative bias but there is no need to be scared and we can go out and be proud, creative and out there rattling the world at any gay age.

Self-esteem is what it is all about. How do we feel about your inner self? It makes sense that with an already negative bias in the human condition we then have to do a little work on getting our self-esteem moving in a positive direction. This is where positive affirmations come in. It all sounds so simple and you might think why bother but they really do work. Alcoholics Anonymous use them with tremendous success.

Get some paper and write positive things about yourself. Say, “I have been very loyal to my friends” or “I work hard at the things I do” or “My face is attractive” or “My arse is perky and cute”. Say the one or more positive affirmations five times a day and place a rubber band around you wrist or put your watch on the other hand every day to remind you to be positive.

I promise you if you do this for some weeks your positive bias will take over. You will begin to see a whole new change in the way you perceive yourself and the world. When you finish with the daily positive affirmations place them in an envelope with your name on it and leave it somewhere in your house where you can see it daily.

I once saw an advertisement in the paper that read. “Good looking, tall, slim and blond gay seeking another. Aged 21 but look like 19″.

Age and the way you feel about it is all relative to how you think about it. Would you say 51 but looks 49? Positive affirmations do change lives. Give it a go spunk.

INFO: Gerry North is a gay couples counsellor and can be contacted on [email protected] or gaycounselling.vpweb.com.au



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