Well Well Well
with Carlos Sepulveda
It’s hard to control our lust. Mainly it has to do with craving the dopamine that a good sex session produces in the brain.
However, where we differ from the members of our extended family, the primates, is on the control we have over our actions.
Humans have bigger brains than the rest of the primates — three times larger, in fact. We have a better capacity to function in complex and variable social environments, and we create technology and advanced ideas which give us an invaluable advantage in the competition for survival.
Humans designed an ‘elaborated communication system’ involving verbal sounds and symbols to pursue understanding. Our cousins, the great apes, can learn and use, at least in a rudimentary way, the sign language used by the hearing-impaired, but they can’t produce human speech.
Some people are very good at using this ‘elaborated communication system’ and some of us not so good. Normally we try to stay as healthy as we can, but sometimes when having sex with casual partners our communication can fail us.
When it comes to HIV transmission, sometimes instead of communicating, we rely on the looks of a casual partner to guess his HIV status. This is a mistake. It doesn’t matter how hot and charming he is — you cannot tell HIV status based on looks, only through testing.
Sometimes we make the mistake of not using condoms if our sexual partner doesn’t ask for one. You might think he has the same HIV status as you do, and he could be thinking the same thing when in fact you’re not the same status.
The only way to find out is to talk about it.
Remember, you are only as negative as your last test.
HIV negative guys might think they are negative based on their last test results. How long ago was that test done? And have they been having unprotected anal sex with other guys who also thought they were negative? The more sex partners you have, the more frequently you should test for HIV and sexually transmitted infections (STIs).
The good news: there is always room for improving the use of our ‘elaborated communication system’, just use your words. There is no reason to miss out on good sex because your sexual partner is not the same HIV status as you are. Condoms and water-based lube are the best ways to protect your partners and yourself against HIV and other STIs.
