They say gay dating is hard work; I’m here to tell you it is.

This is particularly true if you have recently put yourself back out on the market after a long-term relationship or if you are relatively new to the gay dating world. I’m telling you it’s tough and scary out there.

It is a reality that some people simply have a harder time than others meeting people and dating. There are many explanations but what is most important to understand is that having a hard time meeting someone does not mean that there is something wrong with you. Well, unless you’re that crazy stalker kinda guy.

Dating requires stamina. Do you have the stamina that is needed? You need to develop the stomach for failure and disappointment, because there are many. I still remember some of the shocking dates I’ve been on, like this one time where we introduced ourselves, ordered food and didn’t talk the whole time.

It was so awkward and painful because I love to chat, so to sit there thinking ‘God, does this guy really dislike me that much he can’t event speak to me?’

Or the time my date was checking his Grindr messages in front of me.

And then you have the dates where the connection is strong, you might have a kiss and think ‘wow, this is a good feeling’, but then you never hear from him again.

Bad dates are good lessons in disguise. Every date you go on should have something for you to take from it. Calculate the good from the bad and eventually you’ll see the signs that make you filter out the bad eggs from the good ones.

Dating has also changed so much. It’s now all about watching Netflix and meaningless fucking and missed opportunities because of all the apps. Even if you’re asked out on an official date, you won’t know it because it’ll be called “hanging out,” which is the vaguest phrase ever.

It could mean they want to be friends with you or date you or fuck you. No one knows. You just have to guess which outfit would work the best and pray that you’re right.

But I can say when a guy really likes you, you’ll know it.

The truth is when a person has feelings, he wants to be with you all the time He wants to call you, text you, read your Facebook profile and skim through your pictures. If he’s not making any effort at all to stay in contact, it’s a pretty safe bet where his feelings lie.

We also have so many rules these days, I can’t even keep up.

We shouldn’t text them too much. We shouldn’t sleep with them too early. We shouldn’t come across as too eager, the list goes on and on.

We’re trying to follow so many dating rules, so even if we like someone, it’s impossible to let them know. Our community has created boundaries that keep us from moving at a natural pace and developing something real.

Too many of us think we need to fit a certain image in order to be liked. But when I ask my friends what they are looking for, most will likely tell you they want to connect with a man who is comfortable with who he and is confident. When you try to impress someone too hard, you run the risk of coming off as fake.

A gay relationship doesn’t define your worth. You have value. We all do.

We’ve won the biggest lottery there is in the universe: life. That means we’re worthy of everything it has to offer.

As a hopeless romantic myself, as tough as it can be sometimes my advice is just be you and keep putting yourself out there, because when you do find that guy that loves you for who you are no matter what, it’s all totally worth it.

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