Horoscopes

Aries
When it comes to relationships this week, don’t insist that everything be done your way. You have the planet of love, Venus and boring old planet Saturn in your house of relationships. It could be you have such high expectations of your partner they will never live up to them. You’re setting the stage for failure by demanding t the person for you be a certain make and model.

Taurus
Snivelling planet Saturn and the planet of love, Venus, are having a boring time together in your house of work. This is not a good pairing of cosmic energy. When faced with a difficult task you don’t want to do, pass it on to a lazier person and they’ll figure out a smarter way to not accomplish it. Then you can blame them for not coming up with the results.

Gemini
You have a very uncomfortable pairing of planets in your house of love. Sexy Venus has to put up with old prude Saturn. You’ll hear good news about a love interest from an excitable old drag queen who’ll turn out to be drunk. On the work front, the stars indicate you will turn your career around. You used to be depressed and miserable, now you’ll miserable and depressed.

Cancer
You have stubborn planet Mars and intellectual Mercury along with the spontaneous Sun in your house of work this week. Vital papers demonstrate their vitality by moving to where you can’t find them. Venus, the planet of love, helps you sober up and get real. Funny thing about love; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it.

Leo
How to impress woman: kiss her, hug her, compliment her, love her, romantically tease her, protect her, listen to her, and support her. How to impress a man: show up naked with beer. On the work front, paper work and plans will go well even if your reflexes are not ready. It is advisable to carefully organise work tasks so you don’t forget stuff.

Virgo
Secretive planet Pluto is in your love zone. When it comes to romantic relationships, you might find you’re playing more a game of hide-and-go-seek than a combined effort toward friendship, trust, and honesty. It could be you’re trying to hide in order to test the stamina of your opponent. You might want to take a new approach that involves connecting instead of distancing.

Libra
This week you’re a deeply superficial person and will attract the same. The last guy you went out with liked getting drunk every night. The one before talked about how you could increase your muscle bulk by eating carbs after a workout. Neither ever questioned anything in their world, talked about their experiences, had any opinions. Cryptic star message: as above so below.

Scorpio
The planets of fun and travel, Jupiter and Uranus, move through your love zone bringing with them good times and adventure. You will be popular and positive in your attitude, seeing the bright side of life. Time to party and learn about foreign ideas and places. Be careful whose toes you step on because they might be connected to the foot that kicks your ass tomorrow.

Sagittarius
This week might see a need for you to call attention to yourself, and the planets recommend sending semi-nude pictures to random numbers. On the work front, Mercury, Mars and the Sun dominate your personality. You think you are able to carry an reasonably intelligent conversation, yet you talk nonsense quite a bit as well.

Capricorn
Who’s eligible to play on your team? This week, expansive Jupiter and Uranus slip around in your house of group collaborations. You may have feel more independent than usual. On the love front, what is straight?  A line can be straight, a street, but the human heart, oh, no; it’s curved like a road around a mountain.

Aquarius
The supportive Moon and imaginative planet Neptune influence your sky from different quarters. Accepting quiet support is the key to getting your way. You know you’re right so others follow as a matter of course. Even if final goals are not shared, the methods you use are fool proof and helping all involved to get to the end of their task will benefit everyone.

Pisces
Jupiter and Uranus dominate your house of ego, personality and will power. Your drive for freedom, independence, and absolute authority over your life is very strong this week. You are likely to act on some of the more unusual or “crazy” impulses you feel from time to time. This is a time when you crave excitement.