A Thumb And A Lightbulb Moment About Consent
Image: Image: Unsplash
“Consent is sexy” is a phrase that has become more commonplace in our everyday vernacular. The phrase and the idea behind it more specifically has even started to find its way into everyday discussions on social media posts of many friends as they’re discussing their various experiences around the real-life interactions in LGBTQI spaces around the country.
It’s very interesting to hear how the conversation has changed in the years that we’ve been cocooned in our homes thanks to covid, only to now emerge with the vocabulary to talk about difficult topics in a more open and honest way.
For example, I recently had a lightbulb moment with an experience that made me recognise for the first time what consent might look like for a gay man negotiating the pleats of gay dating with an unexpected and certainly not consented-to, thumb up the butt.
Consent – Not Technically
I won’t go any further into the details, and I certainly don’t have any hard feelings personally about the experience myself. For me, that’s the part of the fun of being with a new sexual partner and discovering the things that I might not have realised I liked beforehand but I am self-aware enough to have that moment in the shower later where I was like ‘huh’ – technically, this is what all the kids are talking about!
It also got me thinking about the other times in my life that, if looked through the lens of today’s acceptability, might not exactly be kosher – like the time one morning after a Mardi Gras party, whilst in bed with an older and obviously more experienced fellow who, mid-gravy-stroke, slapped me across the face hard enough (but soft enough) to snap my head to the side.
As I’m sitting here, however, re-living the memory, I have a huge grin on my face, which appears every time I tell the story and I think, that wasn’t consented to and yet… I kinda liked it.
It is important to know that NSW officially changed its consent laws in June 2022, which included specific reference to requiring consent for every step along the way “Consent to one act does not mean consent is given to any other act.”
