British Comedian Reveals He Was Raped In Gay Sauna In New Zealand

British comedian and author Adam Kay has revealed that he was sexually assaulted in a gay sauna while he was visiting New Zealand and it took him over a decade to tell anyone about it. 

Trigger Warning: This story discusses a sexual assault, which might be distressing to some readers. For 24 hour crisis support and suicide prevention call Lifeline on 13 11 14. For Australia-wide LGBTQI peer support call QLife on 1800 184 527 or webchat.

Kay, a former NHS doctor in the United Kingdom, left his career for comedy and writing. His first book This Is Going To Hurt, based on his time as a NHS doctor, was a best seller and was made into a seven part comedy drama by BBC One and starred Ben Whishaw. 

In his new book Undoctored: The Story of a Medic Who Ran Out of Patients, Kay shared the traumatic incident for the first time. 

Visit To A Gay Sauna Turns Traumatic

Kay said he had arrived in New Zealand for a show that he thought would launch his comedy career. 

He decided to visit a gay sauna, which he wrote, “sounded like probably the most appealing/least appalling option and the best chance of ­getting what I wanted pronto and incognito”. 

But that turned out to be one of the most traumatic incidents when he was raped by a man, who he thought was leading him into to the sauna. He gave a false name and put on a French accent at the entrance so that no one would recognise him. 

“A man in his 40s stood up, took my arm and wordlessly led me to a dimly lit cubicle, where he raped me.” The man then left him after saying “thanks”. 

In the book, Kay said he kept the incident to himself and for years wrestled with guilt and kept blaming himself somehow for it. He tried to “to work out if there could have been some kind of ­misunderstanding, something I did wrong”.

Rapist Said ‘Thanks’

Every thing led to just one conclusion that he was raped. “But I can’t – the truth of it is inescapable. I was clear. I said no when it became obvious he wanted this interaction to go a lot further than I did.”

“I said no, again, when he started. I said no when he ­overpowered me and pushed my head into a wipe-clean cushion that stank of antiseptic,” Kay wrote, adding that he tried to scream but knew that no one could hear him. 

“Not by this man who didn’t want to hear and not by anyone else, thanks to the rhythmical pounding of the music”. His rapist left after saying “thanks”.

“Thanks. You don’t say thanks to someone you’ve just raped, do you? Was coming here in the first place my consent?” 

“Not pulling my hand away when he took my arm – was that a way of saying yes, in a language I’d never been taught, negating everything I would say afterwards?” wrote Kay. 

Ashamed To Tell Anyone About The Incident

The comedian and author said he never reported it to the police or anyone as he thought no one would believe him. 

“Saying it out loud would make it real; I would never be able to deny it or pretend it never ­happened, which already felt like my only way of getting through it.” 

He feld the police would ignore his complaint and blame him by saying, “you can’t get raped if you go somewhere looking specifically for sex”.

Kay said for over a decade he was too “ashamed” to share the incident with anyone. “Or maybe I just knew from the moment it happened that I would never forget it: every minute, every second, etched into me in indelible ink, would be with me forever.”

Adam Kay’s Undoctored: The Story of a Medic Who Ran Out of Patients, is out ­on September 13.

 

If you feel distressed reading the story, you can reach out to support services.

For 24 hour crisis support and suicide prevention call Lifeline on 13 11 14

For Australia-wide LGBTQI peer support call QLife on 1800 184 527 or webchat.