Gay Sex After 50: It’s Harder Now!
Image: (Left) Phd student Lucas R. Prieto and (right) Stock Photo by Christian Buehner on Unsplash
A university PhD candidate in America is conducting research on gay sex after 50, uncovering the hurdles many face when it comes to getting down and dirty once they’ve passed the half-century milestone.
And Grindr, Scruff et al. aren’t the only obstacles to be aware of!
We should all know by now that should you wish to dip your spoon into that particular toxic soup, it might be enough to send you screaming into a lifetime of celibacy at any age.
Sex Lives Of Gay Men After 50
To be sure the rampant ageism, racism and plethora of other ‘isms that are so easy to get sucked into on those apps are a sure hazard. But there are other considerations when it comes to being older than 50 – still fun, fabulous and successfully flirty.
The AIDS epidemic, social stigmas and oh yeah! Covid-19 and associated worldwide lockdowns have all conspired together to make hooking up in your fifties, something of a poisoned chalice, with lots of baggage to unpack first.
Lucas R. Prieto, 30, who is working on his PhD at Michigan State University was asked by Jason A. Michael for PrideSouce about what got him interested in the sex lives of men who are 20 years his senior.
Prieto responded: “My interest regarding sexual health and well-being started when I was younger and would watch reruns of Dr Ruth Westheimer’s sex talk TV show. I was impressed with Dr Ruth’s ability to be so open about sex and wanted to help people.”
“In my opinion, we need to be more open and honest about our sex lives and educate others that sex at any age, particularly for individuals over 50, can be wonderful and beneficial to one’s health.”
Cast A Wider Net!
New research to focus on the sex lives of #gay men over 50. "Issues like the #AIDS epidemic, social stigmas can be barriers to sex after 50," Eastern Michigan University researcher Lucas Prieto says. #gaynews #queernews #gayhealth #queerresearch https://t.co/n0dfATU4E3
— Queer World News and Life (@JMcKMelbourne) December 23, 2021
To be sure, good sex can be “wonderful and beneficial to one’s health” and it’s nice work if you can get it.
Dave Singleton wrote an excellent article about this topic ten years ago for AARP. Even though the article is over a decade old, its takeaways are ageless and look beyond the digital age of apps and online hookup sites.
Singleton encourages you to “cast a wider net”, go beyond your virtual profiles and put your human self out there to get involved with interests outside of your home – especially if your main interest at the moment is your hand, your phone and Pornhub.
Singleton also makes the very good point that perhaps we need to rethink what we think of as ‘love’, pressing home the fact that the concept of what ‘love” is evolves as we get older.
“If you think you’re too old for love or you stopped believing that you can find someone to love who’ll love you back, think again. Maybe you just stopped believing in the kind of naive love that you can only trust when you’re young.”
“But what about the deeper, more mature love that allows for the wide spectrum of experience and truth? That’s where you should set your sights,” Singleton said.
Sex Is Not The Same For Everyone
PhD candidate Prieto has some valuable advice to those who might be ready to take the next steps towards titillating and fulfilling gay sex after 50.
“If you are unsure of where to start your path toward a better and healthier sex life, ask yourself what are your individual barriers to sex? If partner selection is lacking, attend some local community events that include LGBTQIA+ individuals to connect with others,” said Prieto.
“If there are physical or psychological barriers, reach out to your primary provider or a clinician that specializes in sex to discuss your options.”
“Additionally, if you are content with not having sex, that is your absolute prerogative, and you are valid. Sex is not the same for all individuals and you have to find out what is right for you and what are your own wants and needs,” added Prieto.
As one of the “Older Cohort” of GLBTIQ+ Community, living in SA where today there is not a single Gay Pub, yes there are few gay friendly bars and pubs but you had better not be too flamboyant. The only really Gay Pub was sold and the new owners made it abundantly clear they “Did not want the high-spending poofs coming in”. They newly ultra-conservative police and councils have long-since closed down the “beats” so even if you want sex there is nowhere to go!
I can still remember when I was in my teens and early 20s in Sydney. It was a crime for men, but not women, to be homosexual. Despite being illegal we were still very active and had as much sex as we wanted. The older gay men – late 40s and upward – brought about their own rejection. If you were young, it did not matter whether you were good looking of not, as closing time approached these older men, especially if they were in well-paid jobs, were an utter pest forcing their attention on the younger people and expecting us to welcome them.
I don’t know what it is like today but feel sure nothing much will have changed.
Sex, as I have found,, will come I just have to wait a bit but when it does it is great fun!
Going by the headline, I was kinda hoping that this was gonna be a story about sex after 50 – a lot of us (50+ yo’s) are still having a lot of sex. Would be interested to read such an article. Is there a slight chance this is written by someone under 50 writing about someone under 50 researching the subject? Who has a gosh-it-must-be-hard attitude?! Apol’s if I’m sounding too cynical!!