Good sports

Good sports

A gay sporting event rolls by. Not that you would necessarily know: the stadium, field, aquatic venue, park, hall, gym or playing arena looks exactly the same as normally.

Umpires and referees dress in the same boring striped, matching outfits with long socks that highlight fit strong legs. In the midst of the high-speed action, the fashion tragedy, that real-life version of the Duracell bunny, constantly demands attention with loud, shrill blasts on a whistle designed to draw your eye to their poor dress sense time and time again.

It is not easy to get a gaggle of queens on one side of the field and a mess of Muscle Marys on the other. Stilettos and sequins stick to all the wrong things and places. Nipple rings get caught on opponents, if one is fortunate, on net or goal posts if one is not. Discreet tattoos and fetishes are displayed through skimpy costumes, or in clothing that breathes or streamlines.

This is merely a surface diversion. Behind the event you watch or participate in is the closest to a human machine you will ever encounter. Venues must be hired, teams and individuals organised, draws, sponsors, prizes, trophies and spectators accommodated.

Organising such events in the corporate or national sports world requires teams of paid experts. The local gay club makes do with a volunteer or three working like dogs to ensure that most things flow smoothly on the day, only to find they have left their own outfits at home in the rush.

Mainstream athletes have no idea how difficult it can be to get teams together, as mum generally packs a spare pair of jocks and socks and, if you’re lucky, a bra and towel for weekly sporting forays.
Deodorant, fragrance and moisturiser complement are important -“ unique and suggestive for singles and just plain bloody expensive for the married. Is the hair perfect in colour, style and use of product for the correct initial impression, yet lasting over the course of the challenge at hand? Will I impress the members of my team or the opposition?

A quick check in the full-length mirror confirms I am right to play. Now tell me: how could the organising committee dare to have me play so far away from the spectators and the passersby? What were they thinking?

info: To ensure that you always get on the best teams, and play on the right court, row in the most glamorous boat, and swim in the lane of the desirables, connect with one of the Team Sydney clubs and get involved in organising an event you would love to be a part of at
www.teamsydney.org.au.

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