The Ex Effect
After a break-up there are many different feelings influencing the way you behave around your past girlfriend. Usually, in my case, I walk past them as if they never existed with the mutual understanding that the break-up was hard and we honestly couldn’t tolerate one another any more.
Oddly enough, I have only one ex-girlfriend who has remained a friend.
Ending our relationship before it basically began gave us the opportunity not only to remain civil but to continue our friendship. This has made it easy for us to socialise together, hang out with mutual friends and even do some ridiculous drunken dancing. But what happens when you see your ex once again, and feel a sense of attraction -¦ again?
As my ex and I met with friends for a night out on the town I began to keep all my attention on her. I thought it was the alcohol at first, making me feel that we had something special but when the feeling remained the next day I thought this issue should be addressed.
Seeing the relationship ended some time ago, we have both moved on, having other loves and lusts. Yet for some reason I think I began to develop the temptation to go back there once again.
Of course, if I did act on this most confusing of feelings I would risk being rejected, plus it would jeopardise the friendship that is so rare after ending a relationship. Would it be better for me to remain friends and not risk the friendship? Or should I act on my feelings, not knowing if this time things might work out? It’s these questions that are repeating themselves in my head over and over.
I really don’t trust myself in the knowledge I’ll be able to keep the friendship if I start something up with her again. Past experiences have shown me I’m not the best person to date. I have decided the best course for me to take is keeping the friendship.
Why act on these feelings of lust if it means a probable loss of a great friend?
I would normally act on my feelings. I’m one of those people who feel like they want something and throw caution to the wind and go for it. In this situation though, I feel it’s best for me and her if I let it go. It may develop naturally on its own after some time and of course I would definitely be jumping on that horse again (all riding puns intended) but I won’t chase her.
It wouldn’t be fair on her, it wouldn’t be fair on the friendship, and I’m sure it probably wouldn’t be too fair on her current girlfriend either.
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I’m with belinda on this one: walking past an ex as though they never existed really is a lack of human courtesy and nobody should be treated with such disregard. I always make an effort to keep things amicable with an ex because it certainly makes those social occasions a lot less awkward. Besides, if I had intimate moments with that person (no matter how it all ended) then I saw value in that person, at least for a time. Therefore, the least one can do is give a simple acknowledgement of their presence and keep on enjoying the night. I find that avoiding ex’s is an immature act and one that shouldn’t be encouraged. Naturally, there are exceptions to the rule but these should be far and few between.
when did we start to believe that having a lack of human courtesy was acceptable. Walking past an ex seems almost too cold, No matter how the situation ended, nobody deserves to be treated with such disregard. Imagine the shoe on the other foot.
why don’t you ask her opinion as if it is about another friend. What if she feels the same way and you both dance around each other and neither makes a move.
Are you exhausted from your confusion? I am quite exhausted from reading about your confusion; nicely entertained, but exhausted. I think I need a special lie down. Keep up the good writing; for at the very least if your life is to unravel you are entertaining the masses as it does so.