“But we don’t need it anymore”
Some people have questioned the relevance of support groups for gay men in the 21st Century. Some have argued that the internet has taken over the need for face to face interactions, as gay men can easily log on and chat to other men.
Furthermore, some believe that gay men ‘have it easy’ these days as homosexuality becomes more accepted in Australian society. Does this mean that there is no longer a need for peer support groups in our community?
Whilst it is true that homosexuality has been increasingly accepted in our society, the fact is that many same-sex attracted men still struggle to accept their sexuality. This is because heterosexuality is still seen as the most appropriate form of human desire; men are still expected to be attracted to women and vice versa.
The message that heterosexuality is the norm can be found nearly everywhere; ads featuring a ‘happy family’ consisting of a man, a woman and their children; products marketed to make men more attractive to women; and the image of the ‘Aussie bloke’ as heterosexual, ‘butch’, beer drinking lads.
These portrayals are set in contrast to the common representation of gay men (effeminate, non masculine). On top of this, we still hear phrases such as “don’t be a sissy” or ”that’s gay” or “only poofs do that”, which reinforce the stigmatisation of gay men.
These can affect the way some gay men view themselves and their sexuality. Even in 2011, some men still feel that it is not ok to be attracted to other men, and this can lead to other issues such as depression, feeling alone, alienation, suicidal thoughts, and internalised homophobia (i.e. believing that being gay is wrong).
Even though the internet is readily available to us, it is not always the best place for men to talk about these issues. And to be honest, most men use the internet to pick up. Further, most people cannot guarantee that their personal information and issues won’t be shared to others in a chat room.
This is one reason why support groups for gay men and other same-sex attracted men are still needed. Peer Education workshops run by the Victorian AIDS Council/Gay Men’s Health Centre offers a safe, welcoming, supportive and confidential environment for men to interact and explore different issues relating to sexuality.
Feeling accepted can help these men to combat alienation and, most importantly, accept who they are. These can lead to their confidence and ability to negotiate safe sex with their sexual partners.
Contact [email protected] and go to www.vicaids.asn.au/peer-education-program to find out more about different workshops run by the Victorian AIDS Council.
By BUDI SUDARTO
Victorian AIDS Council/Gay Men’s Health Centre
Of course we need support groups. Homosexuality is mainly accepted on the whole in the media – not in peoples mind.
The day I can walk in Bankstown and Sutherland shire holding another man’s hand without getting harassed is when we can scrap the idea of having support groups for gays.
To think that support groups for members of the gay community is outdated, or irrelevant think again. Support groups offer a deeper connection with individuals than websites, books, videos or going out to a gay venue can ever offer. Issues of identity, self esteem, respect, isolation, relationships are all relevant and need a forum to be heard. I grew up thinking there was no-one I could talk to, connect with or even be listened to , but a humble support group came my way, and I have never regretted participating in one and will shout my support all the way!!!
Some young people who are questioning their sexuality, or sexual identity, take a look around in our community and in our media, and don’t see someone “like them”.
Some gay women and men are still fearful of coming out
Some young people come out, and are isolated at school or kicked out of home.
Some gay people are still being bashed – just because they are gay
Some gay people experience lower self esteem and increased mental health issues.
Some of our politicians still see same sax attracted people as a group to oppress or ridicule.
Some gay men, sadly, are still contracting HIV – some of them because they are not as well informed about sexual health as they could be.
Yes – we still need support groups for same sex attracted people.
Hi Scott, thanks for your response. The workshops that we conduct at the Victorian AIDS Council address the issue that you mentioned: “gay men still need social support”. Even though we are living in a “fast paced lifestyles”, there are some men out there who are willing to spend few hours of their time to meet other guys and share their thoughts, opinions and experiences with like-minded men. This is the beauty of these workshops: it offers men with a safe, judgement-free, informative, educational and supportive environment to discuss issues relating to sexuality. Our workshops are not therapeutic groups; we do not offer counselling. What we offer is a space for men to interact and communicate on face-to-face basis in their personal journey to feel comfortable with themselves and their sexuality :)
Gay men still need social support, there’s no doubt in my mind about that at all. Maybe the setting for that support changes over time.
For example, a support group might have been the perfect setting in decades past but it may not suit today’s busy and fast paced lifestyles where the majority of people are connected via social media. Besides, a support group just says ‘group therapy’ to me, which implies that gay men need therapy because they are gay rather than because they need social support. I should mention that I’m a student counsellor, so perhaps my thinking is influenced in this area!