Recently I chatted about the best way to interact with showgirls who you see in a club. We are generally a friendly breed and always up for a chinwag or snog in the corner somewhere.

I touched on a few rules that may not be obvious to the average Joe Blow.

I didn’t think I would need to also address rules when you are doing a show — on a stage.

Don’t get me wrong — I don’t mind a heckler. It adds a new dimension to a show. I admire a smart funny heckler and if a heckler can make me laugh, most times I will go into the audience and buy them a drink.

But if a heckler is just being rude and obnoxious for the sake of being a dickhead, that’s a different story. These are the ones who make the whole experience dreadful for everyone else, and usually have their friend skulking in the shadows also.

When I first started on a microphone, I had a rule — try not to pay out on the audience. I will make fun of myself or other showgirls but I try to leave the audience out of it, unless they open up the channels of communication.

With the fools, I usually shoot three warning shots — “Tone it down, baby”, “Come on now”, “Hey, I’m paid to look like a fool”. If these warnings aren’t listened to, it’s open slather.

Like any good comedian, if the audience want so desperately to be involved in the show, who am I to deny them? This happened to me a couple of times, and when I came out guns a-blazing, the person on the end could only respond with, “How dare you try to embarrass me”.

But isn’t that what they were doing to begin with? Is a performer supposed to take abuse, because they are a performer? At what point does a performer say, enough is enough?

On stage when performing, a basic rule would be keep the stage clear. We may look like glamorous creatures, but under that much costuming, hair and boobs, we can become quite weighty.

For your safety, it’s best to stay away, especially if you have a drink or a bag. Most of us have been in heels for decades, so we aren’t going to go down that easily, but a heel in the back or on the hand is going to hurt. We are on stage selling it to the other members of the audience, we can’t be expected to be watching out for someone lying on the stage under us.

After a couple of drinks we all think we can do better. I’m the first to say, give it a go. It’s lots of fun to be a performer, but as soon as the heel is on the other foot, remember it’s easier to dish it out.

It’s a man who can take it with a smile on her face.

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