Would you be more jealous of your partner having illicit or open sexual affairs with others or having amazing, stimulating connections without taking their clothes off and coming home to you bored and horny?
I can’t recall what triggered me to think about this, but I did and I was curious about the psyche of partnerships.
Why does a proportion of our community allow sex outside of their relationship? Is it to keep the intellectual and interesting features of their partner’s mind and soul with them alone? It can’t be that they don’t care that their partner is being ravished by another. Or can it?
Let me create a scenario. I’m male, so it’s going to be for the boys.
Your boyfriend has a work colleague. They get on really well. They laugh at the same things, they finish each other’s sentences. They talk for hours about similar stances on politics, love, and art, and healthily debate their positions on war, religion, and fashion.
Your guy comes home, tired, little to talk about, but you have hot sex. This repeats for as long as you can imagine.
Versus this: your boyfriend chats to you at work, calls you in his lunch break and sits on the sofa after cooking dinner, talking about his family and his thoughts on the news. You guys have sex maybe once a week, if that.
He heads out, like you do, to a bar or to a fuck buddy’s place where you both spend a few separate hours every couple of days.
Which side of the pea is greener?
Or is it that some of you have relationships favoured in both mind and flesh? You are indeed very lucky. Or is it a hard slog, but you make it work anyway?
I used to be all or nothing, then I moved to the middle. Nowadays, I’m so unsure of where I sit. It’s a curious question and an interesting answer.
‘@’ – you say you like to think you have both (thanks for sharing that and lucky you two!) :-)… the big query for me is how hard is that to make that work, sans jealousy, guilt feelings that could overwhelm …solid communication and respect I imagine are the key?
Thom, I’ve been on a few sides of the fences in my 36 years, I still question many things, including monogamy, hence the article. I do doubt rural settings reduce the propensity for cheating, I grew up in the country and I’ve seen some seriously hot guys up there. Your point isn’t lost on me though, after a few years observing some friends in Sydney, I became a little jaded about the issue.
I will freely admit most of my friends have been quietly reflective when they read this or when we talk about the topic. Loosely quoting another – a marriage, or any relationship can be what you make it.
Stuart – you made me laugh. It is indeed well documented that our species isn’t quite built for monogamy…
April, I’m a little older now but, in my heyday, there was one thing that could break up a monogamous couple. Me!
Ouch Thom… bitter much?
i know lots of guys in their early to mid twenties in open relationships. and i know many thirties guys in happy healthy monogamous long term relationships. Myself included. (and i live in the Sydney CBD)
its a shame you dont believe that monogamy can exist in gay relationships, for i see it all the time, both on and off the ‘scene’
….guess it depends what circles you move in
As to John’s article, yes its a very interesting question… and one i discussed with my partner at length
we have no answer… we like to think we have both hehe. i guess it depends what each individual (or couple) holds most important!
It’s the human condition to “sleep around”.
You should ask this question to all the gay men between the age of 35 – 45. It seems this lot are the ones that play mind games, use each other and start the whole “lets open the relationship” spill, oh and lets not forget the midlife spiral towards narcissism.
I am 30 years old and I don’t believe monogamy can exist in gay relationships within major cities unless there is a breakup in between or opening the relationship. If you live in a rural area the your chances are better because there just isn’t any other guys out there for temptation etc.
Thanks for reminding what the future holds. Oh don’t worry it’s not all bad I’m sure I will change and join the train of debauchery, vanity and lies on my 35th birthday.